6 Badass Facts You Never Knew About Dolphins

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Image: AllenMcC.

And this one’s not even trying to be badass

Everybody loves dolphins, but nobody appreciates just how badass they truly are. I’m here to change that.


Image: Dr. J.G.M. Thewissen

6. Dolphins evolved from land animals, predators resembling wolves

Aww.. it looks like a little puppy

When most people think of evolution they picture fish sprouting legs and walking on land. Dolphins don’t give a XXXX what most people think. They’ve seen land and had legs and decided all that was for sissies. No, the dolphin’s level of badassery was far too great to be restricted by gravity. And since air is basically just an incredibly more boring version of water, the dolphin chose to evolve back into a sea creature and see what chaos it could unleash in the murky depths of the scary, unforgiving ocean.

As you can see from this picture, all four limbs are still quite visible in the dolphin’s embryonic stage.

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Image: Gudon

5. The killer whale is a goddamn dolphin

This ain’t no freakin whale

Yeah, that’s right… bloodthirsty Shamu up there is Flipper’s cousin. And it’s worth noting Orcas didn’t get the name ‘Killer Whales’ lightly either; they freakin earned that title. Three people have died as the result of just one of these beasts in SeaWorld/SeaLand alone (Good serial killers never stay in one place). And here we’re talking about an Orca specially trained NOT to kill people.

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