6 Terrifying Things You Didn’t Know about the Platypus

Image: Eric Chan

6. It is one of only five species of mammals that lays eggs.

This is in direct opposition to one of the three most defining aspects we were all taught about mammals: they have hair, they are warm blooded, and they do not lay eggs. To put this into perspective, whales, dolphins and even bats have enough respect for their mammal heritage to not lay eggs. And these crazy bastards spend their entire lives trying to be fish or birds. I mean come on, if mammals that spend their entire lives submerged in water can manage to give birth to live young, then the platypus has absolutely no excuse for this abomination of reproduction.

4. The platypus is born with teeth.

I do not know why the platypus is born with teeth, most likely because I’m far too lazy to look such a thing up. But what I do know is that any creature with a duck-like bill has absolutely no reason to possess teeth whatsoever. Sure the teeth drop out at a very young age… but why in God’s name have them in the first place? This is like if human beings gave birth to infants with horns that only faded away once the child reached puberty.

It serves no freaking purpose at all except to give me nightmares.