7 Reasons Ants Will Take Over the World


Ant head closeupPhoto: Steve Jurvetson

Nobody pays much attention to ants these days. At best, they are viewed as cute little critters deserving of their own miniature toy farm. At worst, they are viewed as a harmless household pests easily remedied by a can of Raid. Even children view ants as nothing more than something to light on fire with a magnifying glass. Unfortunately, my friends, this is exactly why humanity is doomed.

Just like the Platypus,, the ant has us precisely where he wants us. It’s only a matter of time before their species unite and enslave us all. Below are seven terrifying facts to prove my point:

7. Ants have been around for over 110 million years.
Ants eating pollenPhoto: Bill Hails

Think about that for a second. 110 million years old. You have probably stepped on and ended the lives of no less than 10 ants today without even knowing it. But these sneaky little critters have existed long enough to see the rise and fall of Tyrannosaurus Rex, the Sabre-Toothed tiger, and neanderthal man. Ants are like the nameless bad guys in Bond movies… you can kill as many of them as you want, but they’ll always come back.

6.Ants inhabit every continent except Antarctica.

Sure, there’s nothing too terrifying about this fact right now. But just think, once the ants do decide to rise up and execute their attack on humanity, there will be nowhere to hide. North America? Ants. Europe? Ants. Africa? Army Ants. The Moon? Probably not any ants… but would you really risk it?

5. Ants can lift 20 times their own body weight.

OK so you’ve probably heard this fact before. Big deal, an ant weighs like 3 milligrams, so that means it would take about 5,000 ants just to lift my pinky; laughable, right? Well take into consideration that swarms of army ants have been observed to be over 1,500,000 strong. That’s more than enough to drag your average 200 pound American kicking and screaming to a horrific death.

ant swarmPhoto: Thirteen of Clubs

4. Ants comprise of roughly 15-25% of all terrestrial animal biomass.

Once again I’m going to ask you think about this for a second… 25% of all living, breathing matter on land is ants. Now take that fact and consider it along with the one before it. Take a guess at what 20 x 25% is. I’ll give you a hint, it’s a hell of a lot more than 100%
There’s only one reasonable conclusion to draw from this data. Once the ants decide to put aside their petty differences and unite as one vicious army of death and destruction, they will have the collective strength to carry five earths worth of land animals to their grizzly demise.

3. Ants have 250,000 brain cells.

Ok, so now I’m totally stretching the whole ‘terrifying’ aspect of this list, right? Well consider the fact that humans have 10,000 million brain cells… wait I guess that makes the 250,000 seem even less significant, huh? No, you fool, not at all. At 250,000 brain cells each, it only takes 40,000 ants to achieve the collective brain mass of your average man. With colonies already over 1 million, I wouldn’t be to confident in your ability to outsmart the invading mass of ants once the attack inevitably occurs.

But hey, that’s only brain matter, that doesn’t mean they can outsmart us, right?… right?

2.Ants are the only animal other than mammals able to learn from interactive teaching.

Sorry, friend, but ants have the capability to not only learn… but to teach. This means these devious little monsters have been teaching and learning continuously for the past 110 million years. Considering the fact that I’ve been able to comprehend basic chemistry in just 13 years of learning, I have no choice but to assume that ants have long since mastered the ability of nuclear fusion.

But don’t worry, it’s unlikely the ants will exterminate us all with their superior nuclear weapons. Why? Because…

1. Ants have slaves.

Did you think I was kidding at the beginning of this article when I said the ants will eventually enslave us all? Because I was serious damn it, dead serious. In fact, ants have gotten so adept at capturing and utilizing slaves some species can’t even survive without them.


So enjoy your time atop the food chain now, humans, for it’s only a matter of time before we’re all digging tunnels for our ant overlords.