Pedantic grammar Nazis are quick to whine about the English language deteriorating in the wake of our modern obsession with acronyms, text-speak and abbreviations. Their faces flash with incredulity at the slightest mention of terms like “LOL” or “OMG” and color with indignation at every “ting” or “sup.” Overreaction? Probably. Still, even we have to throw the towel in when it comes to the never-ending list of stupid celebrity supercouple names that seem to dominate the gutter press.
If we can live in a world where a former president and his wife are referred to as Billary, what horrors could possibly be next on the horizon? Biblical stories of Edam jointly tempted by the serpent? Shakespeare’s Roju committing double suicide in Verona? With this in mind, we thought we’d provide a countdown of the very dumbest name blends that have been bestowed upon celebrity couples.
10. Spederline – Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
A man dubbed “K-Fed” most likely doesn’t need any more awful name abbreviations, but Kevin Federline was nonetheless given one when he married Britney Spears back in the mid-2000s. The couple’s marriage was brief and was followed by a series of trips to the courthouse to battle over the custody of their two sons, Sean and Jayden, before and after Britney’s genuinely troubling run-in with mental illness. Suffice to say, they are now very much divorced. But even so, the name Spederline will constantly remind us of 2005.
9. Garfleck – Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck
This one’s a bit like Garfield, only seven trillion times less enjoyable. Garfleck is probably one of the more boring Hollywood couples in history. So perhaps a name that sounds like a Game of Thrones character is just the press’ way of jazzing them up a bit. You see, unlike most celeb couples, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are pretty dull. The pair began dating after costarring in comic-inspired Hollywood stink-fest Daredevil back in 2003 and have apparently gone on to become a pretty tight family unit. Since then, the only thing that’s been even slightly intriguing about Garfleck is Jennifer’s tenacious crazy stalker – and the arsenal of guns it prompted Ben to buy.