40 Absurd Pickup Lines That Are So Atrocious They Just Might Work
What’s the most cringe pick-up line you can think of? Well, whatever springs to mind, we bet it’s not half as eye-roll-inducing as the ones on this list — all of which have been carefully pulled from the internet for your amusement. They may be tried, and they may be tested, but that certainly doesn’t guarantee their success. Oh, and we should warn you: they’re all extremely cheesy.
FYI, some of the entries have been edited for clarity and length.
Not a real doctor — we hope
“Got this one on Tinder: ‘Are you my appendix? I don’t know what you do or how you work, but I feel like I should take you out.’” — ALL_THE_CANDY on Reddit
Fruits and veggies
“If you were a fruit, you’d be a FINEAPPLE...” — HotKingChocolate on Reddit
“Or my personal favorite: if you were a flower, you’d be a DAMNdelion!” — DAMMITGUSTAV replying on Reddit
“If you were a fruit, you’d be a cutecumber.” — hopethisgivesmegold on Reddit
Spotting a red flag
“I think my Spotify is broken. You’re not listed in the hottest singles.” — hannahm4638d3435 on BuzzFeed
From the future
“I’m actually from the future where we’ve been married 20 years. I’m just here to resolve an argument over when and where our first date was.” — jenmonje on BuzzFeed
A joker
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” — ninbitz on Reddit
“I think I may actually try this.” — the_twelfth_dr replying on Reddit
Ouch!
“Do you have a Band-Aid? I scraped my knee falling for you.” — Jargen on Reddit
“Bro. I’m keeping this. Thank you.” — Chazzem replying on Reddit
In trouble with the law
“Are you an unpaid parking ticket? ’Cause you got mighty fine written all over you.” — montgomeryk959 on BuzzFeed
Trying witchcraft and wizardry
“Do you like Harry Potter? Because I adumbledore you <3” — @bestpickuplin3s on Twitter
“If you were a Dementor, I’d become a criminal just to get your kiss. #HarryPotter. ” — Giorgio / @FilmVega on Twitter
He’s a poet, and don’t we know it
“You can fall from house, you can fall from a tree. But the best way to fall, is in love with me.” — Fisherck from Reddit
“I think I just did.” — MissChievousJ replying on Reddit.
Using props
“🍴🍴🍴🍴 ‘I’ve got all these forks and knives all I need is a little spoon.’
Con: You’ve always got to carry around cutlery. Pro: You’ve always got cutlery.” — Shloogle on Reddit
“Work in a restaurant, definitely going to use this one.” — yuijaken replying on Reddit.
100 percent success rate
“A buddy of mine is really good with women. He does this one thing on our uni campus where he’ll go up to a random girl.
Him: ‘Hey I have a question and need a woman’s advice.’
Her: ‘Sure, what’s up?’
Him: ‘Let’s say I see a really cute girl. Do I go up and talk to her or is that too direct?’
Her: 99.9999% of them say, ‘You should totally go talk to her.’
Him: ‘He then introduces himself.’
I’ve done it two times and got two numbers out of it so it’s clearly a 100 percent success rate!” — GambitDota on Reddit
If you know, you know
“Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe, I was just outside Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path, and I came to a clearing, and there was a lake, very secluded, and there were tall trees all around. It was dead silent.”— PyedPyper on Reddit (taken from Friends)
“Hey, I heard that same story from a guy named Ken Adams!” — ialwaysmeow on Reddit.
Ice cool
“Me: ‘Titanic.’
The other person: ‘What?’
Me: ‘Sorry. Not a good icebreaker.’’’ — -eDgAR- on Reddit
For those in finance
“Are you a 0% APR loan?
Because I’m having trouble understanding your terms, and you aren’t showing any interest.” — wildkat57 on Reddit
“I’ll give you credit for this.” — theone1221 replying on Reddit.
Pick-up limes — literally
“Get like 20 limes and approach target. Drop them all, and then try to pick all them up and say, ‘Can you help me? I’m really bad at pick-up limes.’” — andrewp37 on Reddit.
“Do you know how much LIMES COST?? They don’t grow on trees, you know!” — ieatdoorframes on Reddit.
Trickery
“If I were to ask you on a date, would the answer be the same as the answer to this question?
She got mad and then said ‘yes’ lol.” — ethanw4cf274083 on BuzzFeed.
Hold this, please
“When I was 15, a boy held out his empty hand and asked if I would ‘hold it’ for him...
I did” — carolinem37 on BuzzFeed
“Your hand looks super heavy. Do you need me to hold it for you?” — mitchellthemuppet on BuzzFeed
Feel this
“Present sleeve.
‘Hey, feel this’
They feel it.
‘Know what that is?’
‘What?’
‘That’s boyfriend material.’
(actually works well for any gender).” — AnthonyF53 on Reddit
Pure cheese
“I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, but...
I’d like to get to know U better.” — best pickup lines / @bestpickuplin3s on Twitter.
Dried fruit
“Do you have any raisins?
‘No’
"Well, how about a date?” — IranianGenius on Reddit
“Wow, what a sweet pick-up line.” — MRX009 on Reddit
“But a little dry, and a bit dated” — donit on Reddit
Climate change
“You know what you and planet earth have in common? You’re both getting hotter each year.” — best pickup lines / @bestpickuplin3s on Twitter
9 out of 10
“On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need.” — ewok77 on Reddit
“Wait, so I'm a 9 out of 10”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re a 1?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” — [deleted] replying on Reddit
Smooth talker
“This worked on an old girlfriend.
Waitress: ‘Is there anything else I can get for you?’
Me: Do you have a bit of paper?
Waitress: ‘Sure.’
Me: Oh, could I also borrow a pen really quickly?
Waitress: ‘Sure thing, is there anything else I can get you?’
Me: No thanks I think I’m goo.... oh yeah, one thing. Could I get your number?
Waitress: speechless
Waitress: ‘I have been hit on by a lot of guys. But that was smooth. Here you go.’
We dated for like 6 or so months. She moved away to pursue an acting career. I still have that slip of paper.”— jepensedoucjsuis on Reddit.
Hydration
“Me: Do you like water?
Her: ‘Yes I do. Why?’
Me: So u already love 70 percent of me! ;) — LyrixALMOG on Reddit
Convoluted compliment
“I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re making the other girls look bad.
I have personally used it and succeeded.” — alawam on Reddit
“I used to be a bouncer. So many missed opportunities!” — leitey replying on Reddit
Down to a science
“You look so familiar… didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.” — Simple Pickup Lines
/ @smplepickupInes on Reddit
“Do you like chemistry? Because I’ve got my ion you!” — @lukeyboy56 / Twitter
Super smooth
“Boy: ‘I want to be a superhero. Guess what I want my name to be.’
‘Girl: Superman? Batman? Spiderman?’
Boy: ‘No, your man.’” — @NasratNas on Twitter
Blowing them away
“...Are you renewable energy? Cus I’m a big fan.” — OVO Energy / @OVOEnergy on Twitter
Technical difficulties
“There’s something wrong with my phone... It doesn”t have your number in it. #MyBestPickUpLines” — Three UK / @ThreeUK on Twitter.
Chips and dip
“Girl, you’re like a bowl of salsa. Fresh, spicy, and I would regularly fall asleep with you in my arms.” — @FreshKnowsFresh on Twitter
Say, “kiss me”
“Back in college, I met a girl at a party. We hit it off, she tells me she’s Russian and that she speaks the language.
I say ‘Say something in Russian!’ She asks, ‘What do you want me to say?.’
I replied, ‘I want you to say ‘kiss me.’
I have no idea what she said next, but I kissed her.” — BioLogicMC on Reddit
Refreshingly direct
“‘Hey wanna make out?’ I’m a female. It works pretty well.” — surpriseslingshot on Reddit
“Can confirm this works. Sorry, guys. Just easier for us chicks.” — MyLittleOso replying on Reddit
Under the sea
“Call me Ariel because I want to be a part of your world.” — @mollyligonn on Twitter
Laughing at yourself
“Do you have an ugly boyfriend? No? Want one?” — Non-meatbag on Reddit
“I would totally laugh at this one.” — Cloodizard on Reddit
Very punny
“‘Hey girl, are you a beaver? Because DAM.’
Trust me, it'll usually get a laugh, a smile, or a smirk. Either way, it's a conversation starter for sure.” — [deleted] on Reddit
Ch- ch- ch- Checkin it out
“I walked up to a cashier and thought she was cute, so I decided, eh, why not and tried the first pickup line that came to my mind after she finished scanning everything.
‘So, if I wasn’t buying all this Gatorade, would you still check me out?’
She paused and she blinked a couple of times and just started to giggle and blush, and I mean, she looked like she was trying so hard to not burst out laughing. Well, being the socially awkward guy I was I literally swiped my card and pressed credit, grabbed my bags as quickly as possible, and zoomed out, thinking that I failed miserably...” — Zack4568 on Reddit.
Oh, bother...
“Hey, is that guy bothering you? No? Would you mind if I bothered you then?” — TheOffendingHonda on Reddit
“Yes. Yes, I would mind.” — theone1221 on Reddit
A simple introduction
“Hey, do you know Carlos?
‘No...’
Nice to meet you, I’m Carlos.” — kneescrackinsquats on Reddit
“I will use this. Thanks a million!!!” — sukisaluki on Reddit
Plenty up this guy’s sleeve
“I’m new to this city. Can you show me the way to your heart?
“Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only ten I see.” — ds9anderon on Reddit
Tech talk
“Is your name wifi because I think we have a connection.” — wuwu9 on Reddit.
“A guy used the following on me once:
‘Hi, are you google?’
‘Haha. What?’
‘Because you have everything I’m searching for.’
I thought it was pretty cute haha. I told him I had a boyfriend, but we still chatted for a bit. He seemed like a funny guy.” —cutesammiches on Reddit
