Take a few seconds to picture yourself getting ready for a date with that special someone, only to end up with an experience that can only be described as abysmal. A lot of people probably have their own hilarious and embarrassing tales to tell about their worst dating experiences. We’ve compiled stories from members of the Reddit community revealing their least favorite dating experience.
1. A Complete Jerk
Dinner seemed to go all right, except that he drank most of a shared pitcher of margaritas by himself, then drank all the liquor I had at home. I was kind of irked, so we went searching for more.
The first place was closing up (it's Sunday), so he goes up and bangs on the windows, loudly demanding that they sell us some beer and calling them jerks while I die of embarrassment.
At the next place, after they served us, he casually said, "Oh yeah, I don't have any money, so you're going to have to get that." Not that I expected him to pay for my beer, but he expected me to pay for his.
In conversation, he mentioned that his favorite book was Ulysses and compared himself to Jack Kerouac. I asked him what kind of movies he liked, only for him to snotily retort that he watches "films."
He had me read a short story he wrote that, frankly, was pretty terrible, but when I offered polite criticism, he got angry and said I just didn't understand. That was the problem with being a "natural writer," he said. No one understands.
At one point during the evening he wanted to check on his dog. He said it wasn't far, but it turned out to be a long drive to the middle of nowhere. Nothing was open, and I had to pee really bad. It was the most resentful roadside pee imaginable.
After he snapped at me about not understanding his writing, I said I was tired and he should go. He asked me for $3.00 for gas. I wanted him gone so much I actually gave it to him. Then I deleted his number.
2. Great Pretender
So I met this guy, friend of friends, at a pub. It was pretty loud and we were pretty drunk, and he said something about his dad being in hospital - I got the impression that his dad had died.
Cut to a few days later and he asks me to go for dinner with him. At one point during the meal he says "I was going to go and see my dad next week, I wondered if you wanted to come with me."
I go "Yeah sure! Haha, oh man, I thought your dad was dead! Hahaha!" and proceed to ask if he looks like his dad, what his dad is like etc etc. We continue with the meal but he looks a bit sheepish, clams up a bit.
A few days later I discover his dad is dead, but he is such a nice guy he just pretended for the length of the date that he wasn't so that I wouldn't feel awkward.
3. Unfortunate Events
In high school, we went on a date to see The Prince of Egypt, the Val Kilmer Moses cartoon, because why not.
We were the only two people in the theater for the first ten minutes or so until a class of various middle-school aged kids from a religious school walk in and sit in the row directly behind us for some reason.
They kicked the back of our seats and threw popcorn at our heads continuously saying "what-are-you-gonna-do-about-it?" There was a teacher but he wasn't saying anything.
Like every responsible adult capable of dealing with their own problems, I told on them to the management of the theater. The usher comes down with a flashlight and asks them to behave or leave, they choose to leave, screaming that we were intolerant and were picking on them.
Then she puked popcorn in my car on the way home.
I didn't know what to do, so I pulled over and waited for her to finish.
Because I turned the car off, she thought I was mad at her for puking, so she started to cry and got out of the car to walk home.
I had to drive slowly on the road with the door open, beckoning her to get back inside the puke filled car.
I probably looked insane.
4. Very Unusual
Worst date ever would have to be one with a guy I had met in our University's library. Right? You'd think that if the guy had the guts and the charm to come over to me while I'm studying and ask me to dinner, he'd be a keeper. Nope. At least not in this case.
He told me he'd take me to dinner. Then when he came to pick me up, he said he didn't quite have enough money and maybe we could make dinner back at his place. I am totally fine with this, in fact I think it's a bit romantic. So we start making dinner, drinking wine, all that stuff.
But as soon as we sit down, he's on his computer talking about his Fantasy Football League. Now, I have no problems with that but there is a time and place for everything. Then, he calls up some of his mates and talks for a good 20 minutes about who he should pick and a lot of football jargon that I do not quite understand. (Sorry, never been a big fan of football).
All while I'm sitting there just idling time by myself, quietly eating. Then he gets off his computer and has finished his food when he asks me if, since he did the cooking (though we both did) could I do the dishes?
Alright this slightly annoys me but I can understand why he'd want me to help out. I'm not trying to be a brat on the first date. I find the sink already absolutely full of dishes and start on the ones that we used. I finished with just the plates that we used because I figured that's what he meant.
So as I start to dry my hands he asks me why I haven't done the rest of them.
I, now thoroughly tick off and annoyed, do ALL the rest of the dishes by hand (no dishwasher) and ask him to take me home. Once we get back to my place he asks if he can come in for a bit, I politely say no, and he gets furious, kicking me out of the car and drives away.
Needless to say, I didn't call him again. Now I'm fine doing the dishes and helping out and all of that stuff! That's not a big problem but ignoring me as we eat dinner and then asking me to do the dishes on the FIRST date is a bit much I think.
5. Too Much For The First Date
Many many years ago in high school I took out a girl who I thought was a nice, normal person. Basic dinner and a movie, thought I might get to make out with her if the evening went really well.
First thing she did when she got into my car is ask if I had anything to pep her up. WTF? It's 1977, I'm 18, driving a Volkswagen and working at a grocery store. Not exactly the kind of person who's going to be packing THAT. And it was more of an adult drug in any case.
As I had no white powder she asked me to drive by a friend's house to "get a joint, you know, just to get the evening going." "Friend" turned out to be a small-time pot dealer in a crappy neighborhood. She asked me to go in and get a bag, I declined; she asked me to pay for it, again, I declined. So she goes in and (found this out later) gives the guy a hand job for about a 1/4 ounce.
She then proceeds to smoke away while I'm driving us to the restaurant. I get a contact buzz but I didn't smoke any (PCP laced pot was all the rage those days, didn't know it was laced but didn't want to take the chance).
Dinner was an extended affair due to her condition and the fact that she got up twice and smoked more while in the can. It was pretty embarrassing really but she had a loose shirt on and was not being particularly modest so I hung in there. Hey, I was 18.
Way too late to make the movie by the time we finished dinner so we went driving around for a bit. Wound up in a secluded area, we get friendly and she goes down on me. Things were looking up! Until she gets sick all over everything. I end up washing out the interior and our clothes at one of those 25 cent wand type self car wash places.
I get her cleaned up, we drive around some more until our clothes are more or less dry and I take her home.
Next morning her dad calls the house and accuses me of getting her high and taking advantage of her, he's calling the cops, telling my parents, etc. I told him to go screw himself and to look in her room for the remaining pot. He calls me back several hours later and apologizes, tells me he found multiple drugs, bongs and other stuff.
A few days later she asks me out. Apparently ours had been a good date for her. I declined.
6. Unexpected Person
I was 20, and in college. I'm female. I had met this kid in my ethics class (somewhat pertinent) and he seemed nice. We would talk briefly and he seemed like a fine guy. I worked on-campus at a coffee shop, and when he'd stop by, I'd give him free samples just to be friendly.
We had exchanged numbers to work on a class project, but he texted me one day to ask if I wanted to come to his dorm room to watch a movie. Since we weren't 21, dorm parties were a regular occurrence and I thought nothing of it. He told me there would be some guys from his hall there and I agreed.
I showed up to his dorm room, there was no one else there - not even his roommate. So this was a date...alright, kind of weird that you told me people would be here, but I'll just roll with it. He turns on Superbad and we watch in silence.
Out of nowhere, he says "I'm really good at eating girls out." I was flabbergasted because this came out of nowhere and was pretty awkward. I kind of laughed it off and said something along the lines of "good for you."
Silently, we kept watching. I should have listened to my instincts to get the heck out of there, but I felt too awkward.
Suddenly, he was asking me all these inappropriate questions. "How many people have you slept with?" I'm not shy, so I gave him the answer, but it took me a minute or so to think. He got all up in my face and said "ew you're dirty, it took you that long to think of all the guys?" (The number was 5, so really not that many). Everything turned into a competition. This next bit was the last straw.
Still in that competitive mindset, he says, "I bet I've had a harder life than you!" I say, why? Well, screw me for asking. He pulls out a LARGE knife from his top bedside drawer and tells me his brother held it to his neck when he was a kid.
I grabbed my coat and ran the heck out of there. I got back to my dorm and started banging on my friend's door to let me in. I looked behind me down the hallway and there he was, the kid, following me. My friend finally answered the door and I charged in, slamming the door behind (automatically locking it).
I drank a lot that night.
7. All About Spiders
My worst date was coincidentally the first time I tried internet dating. I had set up an OkCupid account and gotten a few nibbles in the first few days. Eventually, I found a girl who was decent looking with an interesting profile. Messages were exchanged, dinner and a movie was set up.
On the big day, we both pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant at the same time. I recognized her face from her photo and got out of my car to meet her as she did the same.
Right away, I noticed that she was a head and a half taller than I was (I'm 5'7") which was a little awkward, but hey, eye level with boobs is not a bad position to be in. I was about to introduce myself when she reached back into her car and pulled out a small jar. Her first words to me were, and this is a direct quote:
"Hey, I found this spider on my front porch when I left my house. It's a really cool spider, and I don't know what kind it is. Do you know anything about spiders?"
I looked. To be fair, it was an interesting looking spider. Some sort of crab spider with a white shell with black dots. However, this was not making the already awkward sport of internet dating any less awkward. I replied,
"No...and I'm Arch_Radish. Good to meet you."
It went downhill from there. Dinner was mostly dead air with both parties trying desperately to find some common ground to talk about. She seemed very nervous and shaky the whole time.
I tried to make conversation to lighten the mood, asking open-ended questions and all that, but she just replied with vague or one-word answers.
We decided to proceed with the movie, which was right across the highway. We both got in our respective cars and drove over. When we arrived, she brought the spider back out and started asking a lot of questions about it again.
There was an unknown substance in the jar next to the spider. She wanted to know exactly what that was. I'm no Unidan, but I tried explaining the concept of spider crap to her. She seemed surprised that spiders could poop. But at least the spider started up some much-needed conversation.
We went in to see the movie and things went way downhill again. The movie was a B-movie slasher wannabe called Sorority Row, which was her choice. I was hoping for at least a few slasher-inspired jumps and fear grabs, but nothing.
I did manage to get my arm around her shoulders once, but not for long as the blood quickly drained from my arm at that altitude.
Afterward, after making yet another checkup on the spider and helpfully suggesting putting air holes in the lid, we walked to the local bookshop for a coffee. We made a few more attempts at small talk before she finally confessed.
"Look, I find you very intimidating."
I stopped, made a great show of looking up at her face, and said, "Really, what makes you think so?"
"Well, you just have a very intimidating voice."
To her credit, I do have a rather deep voice for my height. But in my mind, a first-time internet dater going up against an Amazonian with a spider fetish gave her a few more points in the intimidation department.
I honestly didn't know what to say to that, so, we walked quietly back to her car where we hugged goodbye, and she deleted her profile the next day.
I've had plenty of awkward internet dates since then, and lots of things have gone wrong. But no matter what I achieve in my romantic life, I don't think I'll ever reach "having to explain spider crap in my manly pipes of doom" level of bad.
8. Not What I Imagined
I'm in High School at the time and I pick up this really cute blonde to go out for dinner. On newer models of vehicles, the car automatically locks when it gets above a certain speed. Such is the case for mine.
She gets in the car, I begin to drive, and the car locks. She turns to me, really scared, and yells, "DID YOU JUST LOCK THE DOORS?"
Off to a great start.
We get to Applebee's (I know, classy), and we're about to order when we begin to get to know each other better. I began talking about how I want to move to the east coast, when she asks, "Don't they live, like, an hour in the future?"
I try to explain how time zones work, when all of the sudden, she gets really upset. "Wait, Japan lives a whole day ahead of us..." She folds her arms, and in a very serious tone she says, "They could have told us about 9/11."
I took her home after that.
9. Is It Habitable
I met this British guy online. We texted for a while then decided to meet. First date went extremely well, gave him a good night kiss and was feeling pretty positive about the night. We continued to talk after that, and about two weeks later we went out again.
Our second date was going to be volunteering in our community. Of course, we had to pick the HOTTEST day in the summer. I went over to his place to pick him up and he wasn't ready, said that we needed to stop by Walmart to pick up some boots on the way. No problem, I thought; taking him to WalMart.
Well, everyone in the city seemed to have the same idea and no boots to be found. We went to about 5 other stores searching; and finally he says, "Let's just go back to my place, watch a movie and I'll make dinner". So we head back.
I walk into his place, and it is filthy, with a big dirty dog. The white couch is covered in dirt; and the floors had obviously not been mopped for some time. I picked the spot on the couch that seemed the cleanest and awkwardly start watching a movie.
His place does not have air conditioning, so we are both starting to feel the heat. He then asks me if I wanted to go downstairs because it's cooler. I oblige.
He said his tenants had moved out about a week ago. We get downstairs and there's a small tv, a couch that's not as dirty (that I could tell anyways) and a coffee table with a hotplate on it. There was a mountain of dishes on this hotplate; and he blamed it on his tenants (they left a bunch of dishes behind).
Movie is pretty boring, so I make the excuse to use the washroom. Washroom is probably the most disgusting thing I have ever seen, mold in the corners, mirror so dirty that you couldn't even see; toilet stained and just scary all around. I do my thing and realize there is NO toilet paper. Just my luck.
Look ahead and there was a nook that had the wire storage shelves in it. I take a closer look and it is full of dirty dishes. Just piles of dirty dishes. The one pot that was right in my line of vision was half full of cooked spaghetti, that was still somewhat moist (not on display long enough to dry out). Who eats spaghetti in their dirty bathroom?
Now I know this isn't from the tenants, but now realize the fact that he is an absolute pig. I get out of there as soon as I can, without it being blatantly obvious that I am horrified, but I sure didn't want to eat leftover bathroom spaghetti for lunch.
Texted him the next morning saying that I didn't feel anything and it was over. By far one of the most bizarre situations I've ever been in.... (and the first date went over so well!)
10. Best Date Turns Worst
On the 4th date, I rented a large sailboat for a night (around a hundred bucks, but this girl was pretty spectacular). The rental didn't include leaving the dock because the owner was not there. We got Outback to go and took it to the boat with some nice craft beers. We had both packed to stay the night, so we were both pretty comfortable with where we were headed.
Pretty awesome date, if I say so myself. So we were talking, eating, drinking, and listening to music and we had the same taste in both music and beer.
I pulled up a satellite schedule from heavens-above.com and we watched the ISS streak overhead. We eventually get busy in the aft berth. Pretty awesome intercourse too. Probably the best I've ever had. About 30 minutes in, I was ready to be done.
I was getting tired. "I just want to come already" slipped out of my mouth. She stopped me, got up, put her clothes on, and drove home. I still kick myself about it, although as I get older it seems slightly funny. The best date ever got flipped into the worst date ever pretty quick.
Started talking to a girl online... seemed pretty cool, lot of shared interests, was a few years older than I was (I was 27, she was 31), but she looked pretty cute in her pictures... decided to meet up for a drink.
She showed up late, and I literally did not recognize her at all. She looked fairly similar to her pictures but they were obviously at least a few years ago, and the best way to describe her now was "used up" - leathery skin, haggard, just... not good.
She also had decided to bring her sister along (uhhh....) who was about the closest thing to a human troll doll that I've ever seen. I already had mentally decided this was never going to go anywhere, but I had a sense it might turn out to be a great story, so I stuck it out for a bit.
Immediately after sitting down at the bar, she asked if I wanted to see pictures of her recent foot surgery (she was wearing a boot) and before I could object, pictures of her cut open foot flesh was shoved in my face.
Hadn't even ordered drinks yet. She then proceeded to go through about 20 pictures of the foot, cutting it open, inserting a very large pin, closing it back up... My drink showed up right as she was wrapping this up, and immediately pounded half of it.
The conversation switched to small talk about pets, etc, for a bit, and then somehow turned to the fact that she was... married. She had met another guy online a few months back, and they got married after a week. Divorce proceedings were just starting. As she put it: "it just didn't work out"... Give love a chance!
Somehow despite all of this she actually thought the date was going well and kept inching closer to me, while I continued to lean away (almost falling off the bar stool once). She then said something indicating she actually thought there would be further dates, but that, "there's something I should tell you, just to get it out there".
As if the whole being married thing wasn't enough.
So that's how we got onto the subject of her felony conviction. For dealing substances. "But don't worry, I never used it, I only sold it".
That's the point where I finally had enough, made an excuse that something had come up at work (hooray for being on-call 24/7) and dashed out of there... almost doubled over laughing.
Best. Worst. Date. Ever.
12. Personally Stood Up
I was 19, and he was a classmate who'd been hounding me for a date since class started. I knew it was going to go badly within seconds of showing up.
We'd agreed that I would drive to his apartment, and he would drive us to a by-the-slice pizza place and then see Daredevil (should have known it would be bad in the planning phase, I KNOW). I arrive half an hour before we have to leave and he lets me in with a grunted, "Hi," before returning to his computer chair. He has NO THINGS.
There is a computer with a desk and chair, and a lawn chair in his otherwise empty apartment. I try to strike up some conversation, but he's at his desk, furiously typing and has no interest in speaking to me. "What are you playing?" I ask. "Dark Age of Camelot." "So, you wanna take off?" I try.
He tells me he can't leave early because he needs to meet a friend and sell him a fake sword for fake money. I sigh and sit down in the lawn chair. I keep trying to talk to him, but he's uninterested.
The time to leave rolls around (let's say it's 4:00 pm for clarity's sake), and I get up and tell him it's time to get rolling. He tells me his friend hasn't logged in yet. "So, he's late. Let's go." "You don't play MMOs. You don't understand. I have a reputation in this game. I can't just stand this guy up." "He's not there. Let's go."
"We can push it back another half hour. It's fine." No matter what I say, he won't get up, and he lapses back into typing and ignoring me.
4:30 I tell him the time. I am bored and starving. He won't move. Says we'll catch the last showing of Daredevil at 7:30, and that will give us another TWO HOURS TO WAIT IN HIS EMPTY APARTMENT.
6:30 He hasn't spoken with me except to grunt when I try and spark conversation. He still refuses to move since his friend hasn't logged in. He suggests we skip dinner and just go to the 7:30 showing. I protest, but he just insists I don't understand how important this is, and continues ignoring me.
7:15 It is now time to leave to watch a bad movie while starving. He's rooted in place. I've been here since 3:30. I tell him it's his friend's fault if he doesn't get this sword, and it is time to leave. My date continues protesting. I suggested he call the guy and tell him to log in so we can leave. He doesn't have his number. E-mail him.
Doesn't have his e-mail. Turns out he has no way to contact him, because not only is this guy not an actual friend, but he doesn't even know his toon name and was supposed to have met him AT NOON through a mutual friend WHO IS ALSO NOT ON. He insists he needs a few more minutes to see if he turns up, or his magic sword selling reputation may never recover. I tell him I'm leaving to go get Taco Bell.
He starts placing an order. I clarify that I am taking my horrible food back to my apartment, and he would have to find his own food, good day, sir.
13. Off You Go
The thing that made this date so much worse than normal was how much it came out of left field considering the first date was so pleasant. So I asked this girl out from one of my classes at our local university.
We went to see Red Eye and afterwards went for coffee and the whole thing was great, lots of good conversation and after the date she said she would love to watch another movie with me possibly at her apartment.
Three days later she texts me and invites me over to watch the Machinist. Neither of us had ever seen it. I get there and she's in pajama pants and a t-shirt, no big deal.
She starts the movie and proceeds to talk over the first 20 minutes while she introduces me to her pet rat who was named Precious. A few minutes later she gets a call from her dad, her parents are divorced and he lives out of town.
He was in town and she asked if it would be ok if he stopped by and said hi because she rarely gets to see him. I said sure, it was still very early in the evening and I figured he wouldn't stay long. He arrives, the movie gets paused and she proceeds to introduce me to her dad and we all have a beer. Then there's a knock on the door.
One of her neighbors shows up, apparently the boyfriend of one of her friends. He comes in with a 6 pack of beers and now it's more like a friendly hangout than a date, which is kinda annoying but her neighbor thinks I'm super funny and he tells her "I like this one" twice during the conversation.
At this point we all go outside for a cigarette and when we walk out there she finds a dildo suction cupped to her door and starts laughing so hard and loud. Me, her dad and the neighbor are all like "WTF?"
She proceeds to explain that it's some kind of inside joke her friends play on each other. Basically if you find the toy stuck to your door you're "it" and you have to stick it to another friend's door.
She then proceeds to put the toy on her crotch and pretends to swing it around slapping me and her neighbor around our butts with it in front of her father. She is super drunk at this point.
I get a phone call from a friend and I step away to answer it. My friend informs me that the Red Sox lost the game I was missing to be on this date. I say "crap" at a pretty medium level, not mad just kind of sighing while I say it and I walk back.
She asks what happened and I tell her the Red Sox lost and she goes "Oh is that your team?" I answer yes and then she says "Well what does that say about you and your life?" I didn't even know how to respond to that and her dad glanced at me and rolled his eyes.
We all go back inside and now there's some American Idol type show on tv but with rock music and Chris Cornell. Me and her dad watched some skinny emo kid butcher "Paint it Black" and that seemed to be the tipping point.
He said he had to go and me and her neighbor both agreed we should be going too. As I'm walking out to the parking lot next to her dad he says to me "I just don't know about these friends of hers."
You don't know awkward until your date laughs like a witch while holding a pink toy in front of her dad.
14. Slaving Away Over Food
I guess Valentine's with my ex in college. I made him red velvet cupcakes with fun chip icing, bought his favorite chocolate covered espresso beans, and a 6-pack of his favorite beer. I show up at the trailer he shared with his dealin' roomie and he's nowhere to be found.
After watching the roomie get stoned and start watching some terrible movie, he shows up. I can't remember what we did after that, but we came back and his roommate announced he ate all the cupcakes, and they were delicious, and would I make some for his girlfriend if he bought me the ingredients, and would I let him take the credit?
So then instead of going out to a movie, I end up making the accursed cupcakes. Finally, the ex presents me with my valentine's gift - a teddy bear. He had dressed it like himself, with a leather jacket and rolled-cuff jeans. (He was a greaser). Then he announces that everything had been shoplifted.
Dinner - I ordered first, he proceeded to just get soup. At a local bar. He paid, with tip it was $18 bucks. Then we walked across the street so I could get money out of the ATM so we could then return to the bar and I could drop $40 on him slinging martinis and bullcrapping with his college mates.
Then, instead of having a nice post-dinner romp, he passed out on top of me. The next morning I had to smoke his completely stale rolling tobacco since he'd bummed my cigs off me all night... and got to listen through the paper thin walls as his roommate's girlfriend complimented him on "his" baking skills. Ugh.
15. A Bookworm Wannabe
In college a guy who I had only met once and texted a lot asked me out. I had to drive to his apartment because he would not tell me what we were doing or where we were going. My friends told me to keep my phone on me and have their numbers ready to come pick me up if things get weird.
So when I get to his house, we get in his car and he's still being really vague about what his plans are. After driving a few minutes, he then pulls into a bookstore.
He says, "I think going out to eat on a date is so overrated... And I need a book for class." Cool, wish I knew that so I could have already eaten.... Whatever.
So we're walking aimlessly around the bookstore talking. He's randomly picking up books and asking me about myself.
Well, we get to talking about my sorority. He's mocking me about it. How we're all little princesses and buy out friends and are whores. He calls me a little princess for the rest of the night. I'm over this now and ready to go home.
After he's done at the bookstore, he never buys any book for class, we leave to head back to his apartment. He asks me if I want to come inside and watch a movie with him and his roommates.
I decline and tell him I have a lot of homework to catch up on. He tries to go in for the kiss and I let him kiss my cheek. I left his place and never spoke to him again.
16. Green Skirt
I was 14, and my mom had gotten someone to braid my hair for the summer "just like Alicia Keys" (I was a huge fan at the time). I was in Walmart with my mom and sister, and this boy is stalking me in the aisles.
No big deal, until he approaches my mom at some point and asks her if he can take me out. I wasn't there to object, but my mom brings him to the aisle I'm on, like, "Oh, s_kit, this is Nick, he asked me if he could take you out so you're going out on Friday!" Um...thanks?
The day of the date, my mom insists I should wear this TEENY skirt she bought me to impress this guy. I'll say it again - I'm 14. Nick is 15 and from Dallas, and in town visiting some relatives for the summer. My mom drops me off at the movies and he starts the date by exclaiming at how surprised he is my crappy little Louisiana town has such a nice movie theater. Insert more stuff about how crappy my town is. He says I can pick the movie, so I say "Harry Potter PoA" and he groans, so since I had already seen it twice, I opt for Chronicles of Riddick.
He groans, "Ugh, fantasy stuff! Is that a book too?" Me: "No, it's science fiction and action adventure. You may like it!" Him: "Ugh, I hate book stuff. Fine, I don't care about the movie anyway."
We talk a bit before the movie starts and when the theater goes pitch black (see what I did there?) he proceeds to shove his hand up my skirt and tried to touch it. I had no idea what he was doing, and spent the whole movie fighting him off of me because I was genuinely interested in watching Riddick.
I don't tell my mom because I was mortified and a few days later he calls the house, mistakes my sister for me, and talks dirty to her. She, being a True Love Waits cheerleader sort, tells my mom everything he said.
So I got in trouble for being a sl-t and I wanted none of this in the first place.
I have never seen Riddick all the way through and that whole series just reminds me of that itchy teeny green skirt and that boy's hands trying to feel me up.
17. Double Date
I ended up going out with this one girl for a first date a while back. I didn't really know her, but I thought she was cute and asked her out. She tells me a day later that we should go on a double date with her friends (an established couple) because they can get us into a free movie. I'm fine with that. I like free things.
Day of the date, I go to pick her up at her house. Except I can't pick her up. Her mother INSISTS on driving us to the movie theater. I am still not deterred. Awkward ride over, but whatever. We still talk and kind of get to know each other.
We meet her friends at the theater and the movie starts. It takes about 5 minutes of the movie before her friends start making out. And it wasn't just quiet stuff you could ignore. The girl is moaning and the guy is "talking dirty". This goes on for the majority of the movie.
By the end, my date and I were just awkwarded out and didn't say a word to each other. Then to top off the awkwardness, we had to ride back to her house with her mother. We did not go out again.
18. The Rebound Guy
I went on a date in high school with a girl who just had transferred in from Florida. A pertinent piece of background information is that she had just broken up with a long-term boyfriend.
We decided to go with a group of our mutual friends to something called an "Art Crawl," which is basically a Friday night that art galleries stay open a little later than usual. After arriving at my mutual friend's house, we go and pick up my date.
Immediately it was weird. She had on a revealing top and a short skirt. This wasn't something that I was used to seeing this girl in. Of course, succumbing to the curse of teenage boys everywhere, I was quite alright with it at the moment.
The date progresses. We are struggling for conversation, unfortunately; it's a combination of my inability to think in the face of a presenting female, and I imagine her emotional fragility at that point.
After a good while of looking at the various "art pieces" (I never was one for visual art), I decided to go outside and sit on the curb to enjoy the nice weather. She approaches me and asks, with a tinge of desperate hope in her voice, "Are you gay?"
No. I am not.
Apparently, this young woman had come to the date with the idea that I'd be all over her. Admittedly, being under the curse of being a young heterosexual man, I wanted for nothing else. However, I decided that it would be better for me to wait. How young and foolish I was!
The date progresses like molasses from that point, but not as sweet. It ends in a terrible kiss-on-the-cheek that makes all present cringe out of pity. That is the story of my worst date.
19. Third Wheeling
The date started with a poor guy being the 3rd wheel, but soon I became the 3rd wheel.
Short context: There was a long weekend for a national holiday, so the girl and I, as we are from out of town (and from the same town) decided to go back home, and I ask her out to dinner and a movie.
What I didn't take into account was that she invited a guy from another country to go with her home, as he was going to be alone by the holiday and he couldn't go back home.
I tried to go with it and just have it be a friends’ meeting, but it was bad.
She spent the whole dinner telling me how EVERYONE in her family had already met him, loved him, he slept in her bed... basically she only wanted to tell me that they were one night away from getting married.
And I thought I behaved, but then I realized how hostile I was. Apparently, as I was getting more and more jealous, and as I couldn't get angry with her (thanks, love), I started intimidating this guy, who I swear was Frodo.
By the end, we were all miserable. Later I realized that was a test, but screw that. Saying that the guy sleeping in your bed is loved by everyone and better than me and expecting me to not feel angry is insane.
20. The Funny Guy
I went out to lunch with a guy from class. He picked me up at my place and drove us to a restaurant inside a local mall. Throughout the whole ride there he would slip in these little jokes (if you could call them that) into whatever topic we were talking about.
The only one I remember was "MILFS are the best people to have relationships with. They always have some sort of snack with them like gushers and fruit roll-ups". He thought this was the funniest.
When we got to the restaurant, he was a complete punk to the waiter the whole time and when it came time to pay the bill my date said he wasn't giving him a tip.
I told him that if he didn't I would. He didn't want me to pay for anything so he did end up giving him one. However, this restaurant was part of some club and if you buy the club card, you can get coupons and special promotions to all the places in the club.
It was $40 to join and he insisted that I do it. I had never been to the place we were eating at and even though I enjoyed the meal, it was a more upscale place and I probably wouldn't be back. He wouldn't take no for an answer so I bought it to shut him up. I have never once used the card.
Now, this was a day date and he knew I didn't have to be at work until later in the evening so he insisted we go to his house. Cue more stupid jokes on the ride. Right when we walk in his door he says he's going to take me on a tour of his house.
The first thing he says is "This wall is green. This wall is red. We picked the colors based on this picture right here." I'm thinking oh crap. This is going to be a long tour.
An hour later he has showed me every inch of the house including his parents’ bathroom, the linen closet, and the hole in the wall caused by his mom falling down the stairs which is now covered up by a picture frame.
We finally sat down and he decides we are going to watch a stand up comedian. What's the first joke out of this guy's mouth? "MILFS are great people to have relationships with..." My date had been quoting this guy all day and now I have to relive all the crappy jokes.
If they weren't funny the first time, you bet they weren't funny the second time. Every time a joke was said that my date repeated, he'd throw his hand in the air and shout "Ohh there it is!!". I was not impressed. When it was thankfully over, he turned off the tv, turned to me and put his hand on my knee, looked straight into my eyes and said, "If we did it, I'd wrap it for you." I looked at the clock and told him I forgot I had to be at work early today so he needed to take me home.
On our way back to my place he mentioned that he had a wedding to go to and needed to pick up his tux from the cleaners. I thought he'd do it after he dropped me off but no. He took me on his errands.
As I waited in the car, I contemplated just walking the rest of the way. My house was just a block down the street. But I decided to stay and wait for him. Was it because I'm a nice person? Or was it because it was raining?
I don't know. But this experience has really made me shy away from dating.
21. He Had A Nervous Breakdown
About a month before the end of my junior year in high school, I had decided to move in with my mother over the summer (which was in another state). Knowing that it would be the last big event with the people I'd known all my life, I decided at the last minute to go to prom. I asked a friend I worked with to go with me, and thought everything would be cool.
Day of the prom, he comes to pick me up, and as I'm putting his boutonniere on him, he gets really pale and runs to the bathroom. Later, as we're walking to the car, he discretely vomits into one of the bushes by the sidewalk.
Get a little way down the road, and he pulls over to vomit out the side of the car. He said that we'd need to run to his house so he could clean up a bit (he'd apparently dribbled down the leg of his tux). I'm thinking that he has a little stomach bug, and felt really bad for him, but was impressed that he was trying to help me have a nice evening at the same time.
We go to his house, and I meet his family. His mom said, "Oh, is it happening again? He just gets so nervous." Great...
We go to dinner at the nicest restaurant in town, and he won't even order anything because his stomach is so upset. I pick at my salad as he runs back and forth to the bathroom to vomit.
Get to the dance, and the same thing. He's back and forth to the bathroom the whole time. I refused to dance with him because I didn't want him spewing down my back. I was miserable around him, and just tried to enjoy the time with my friends.
Later that summer after I'd moved, my mom and I came back to town when my older sister had decided to move as well. I stopped by my old job to say hi to everyone.
A girl that I worked with told me that she had started dating Puke-O-Boy and said that he never had that problem around her. She sounded really proud of that. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he apparently didn't like her enough to get nervous around her.
22. Self Control
There was this girl I thought was really cute in class. I'm not the type to really go out there and get 'em, so it took a couple weeks for us to start talking more. One day, we stayed after class and were talking and realized we were connected through an extremely specific set of coincidences.
One was that we were both only taking that class at that campus, our others were on the main on the other side of town. The other was that my cousin and her sister were in the same graduate program and were really good friends.
So I'm here thinking that I have just fallen into a gold mine of a situation. What could be better? Fast forward two weeks. I've been slow with her. I didn't want to come on too strong. We have been texting and still seeing each other in class.
Finally, I muster the courage to ask her out one day after class, she says yes. Sweeeeeeet! Fast forward another two weeks. Date hasn't happened yet. Still see each other in class. Still text. It had just gotten very stale and boring by this point, but we still kept talking to each other.
But the waiting was finally over! We finally have enough time to see each other.
So for this date that has been seemingly waiting to happen for almost a month, we decide to go to dinner and a movie. But of course, that didn't happen. She calls beforehand and tells me let's just go to a movie.
So I told her okay and we meet up at the cinema. Now, at this point, I'm about fed up with this chick. She's been giving me excuses, she was putting me off, and I had already gotten the idea that this wasn't going to go well.
But I was already there so screw it. She decides she wants to see Over 21 or finally 21 or something about kids drinking, typical college tomfoolery. We're both laughing, not really talking. I'm sure to other people it looked more like two friends going out than a date.
That's just how much didn't happen. I would have been okay with that. I would have taken that crap date over what unfolded the rest of the night. So like I said, we are sitting there just watching the movie. And then I felt it. It just all happened so fast. Rrrrppphnnhgg.
Enter ready to explode out of my butt diarrhea. I hadn't eaten anything that day except a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but it felt like I had this unnatural buildup just compounding itself in my intestines. We had to be only halfway through the movie. And I knew I could not get off my seat.
Because if I stood up, the rocket would be flowing fast and hard behind me. So I sat there, FOR THE ENTIRE SECOND HALF of that stupid movie trying to give nice, disarming smiles so this girl wouldn't think that I am incapable of controlling my intestines.
When she would laugh and move her body forward, I would squirm and readjust just to get a little more comfortable.
I was letting out small, tiny farts that I prayed to every God ever known that didn't smell, because we were not sitting in an area populated with a lot of people, so she would know the source extremely quickly.
So the movie ends. Finally. Great. Get me the heck out of this cinema so I can clear this now sizable truckload of feces built inside me.
It was one of the worst pains ever. And I just had to grin and bear it, just so I wouldn't embarrass myself on this date that I didn't even care about.
By this point, I have a better handle on it and I'm able to hold it in. I walk her to her car (slowly) and give her a quick hug goodbye. The movie theater was closing (late showing) and I couldn't use their bathroom.
So I walked as fast as I could to my car, trying to deal with the sharp pains that had seemingly not gone away for upwards of 2 hours. I drive to Walmart, go immediately to the bathroom, and get sweet, sweet relief.
It was finally over.
23. Voluntary Manslaughter
Few years ago I used to do an internship at a law firm. I would go to court with different attorneys twice a week.
One day I was in the traffic court division. I see this girl sitting behind me and I start flirting with her in one of the breaks. We hit it off, I get her phone number, we start talking.
She tells me she had never been to the zoo so I tell her let's go to the zoo. Why not? I pick her up. She asks me to stop at a gas station to buy some cigarettes (ok strike one) and starts smoking in my car (strike two, but they pale in comparison to three).
So anyways we get to the zoo, start walking around, make fun of the animals, whatever. We're having lunch and I ask her; So why were you at court?
Was it some bullcrap traffic ticket? She told me no she was just early for her bail hearing so she was making time and just randomly went inside another courtroom.
I ask her bail hearing? She tells me yes she's currently out on bail. So I make the stupid question of asking her for what. She said she would rather not say. Now I go to the bathroom to investigate on my phone. I had an app that had reverse phone number lookup even for cell phones. Look up her phone number, I get her full name. I go on the clerk of courts website and look her up. I was not ready for what I saw.
So I seriously used my newfound knowledge to kind of ask what it was. I tell her I won't judge her or anything, but if she wants this to work, honesty is a good start. I jokingly tell her, ”I don't want to know if you're involved in organized crime or anything.” She eventually tells me the truth. Her boyfriend tried attacking her and she ended his life. Broke down in tears telling me.
So whatever, end of date. She actually called and texted me again after that but I figured, “You're probably going to prison for a while soon, so what's the point in pursuing this?”
24. Melting Point
I had been dating this girl for almost a year and I was in love with her. She wanted to take me to a large Halloween thing that is held in our neck of the woods every year. Lots of rides and haunted houses.
I had always heard about it, but never went. I am understandably excited. We get there and things are going great. We hug and snuggle in the cold while waiting in line for the first haunted house.
As we leave she decides she's gonna try something and stands behind one of the performers and waits for him to turn around and shouts Boo! It scares the crap out of him.
He starts giving her a talking to, going on about how patrons aren't allowed to touch the performers, and to be fair she never actually touched him. He threatens to kick us out, but I calm him down and we go on our way. However, from that moment on she is really down and quiet.
I ask her what's wrong and she says nothing. I ask her if she wants a snack, she says no. I ask if there's anything she wants to do in particular, she says no. I convince her to go on the Ferris wheel and as soon as we start moving she bursts into tears. She won't explain to me what's wrong either. She proceeds to have a full blown melt down on the ride.
When we get off, I buy her a hot chocolate to cheer her up. It doesn't work and she says she wants to leave and go home. I was crushed. I was unbelievably excited and had waited months for this event, driven almost an hour, and spent $30 to get in and here we were, leaving after 45 minutes.
This may not seem as bad as others, but it was that glass shattering moment in our relationship. I all of a sudden realized that this wasn't the first time she had done this. I had been blinded by love.
The next three weeks were awkward as I began to notice things that had slipped my view before. I broke up with her after she had another melt down.
25. The Date That Took The Cake
I was doing some online dating through OkCupid. I had lots of bad/interesting dates, but one in particular takes the cake. I agreed to meet up with a guy for dinner. We agreed to go to an Indian place near me.
He indicates that he is taking the bus from where he is from to here and asks if we stay out late if I'd be able to give him a ride home. I didn't think much of it and said sure. So we get to dinner and we start talking about our lives... where exactly do you live, what do you do, etc.
Turns out he is unemployed and lives in his grandma's condo (she splits her time 50/50 here and Florida). I went with it, I understand the job market isn't great or whatever. I am in grad school, so it isn't like I'm not used to making no money (or hardly any).
I then find that he's been unemployed for over a year and looks down on people who work in the food industry, which is why he'd never get a job at a restaurant.
Okay, whatever. Somehow the conversation then goes to past relationships, I find out he has only ever been with 1 person.
I'm not against this, but it usually indicates that they hold relationships and intimacy to a higher level than what I do. I also find it a little disconcerting since he is 29 (I was 26 at the time), and has only had one relationship (and only slept with one person).
Now, to top everything off, at the end of dinner, he licks the plate. I can't imagine what my face looked like at that moment; horror, disgust, surprise, get me the heck out of here as fast as possible.
I was just amazed that someone had the balls to do that in the restaurant. We split the bill and he asked if he could come back to my place and watch a movie or something.
I told him he better make sure to catch the bus home. He called me several more times to try and have another date, then got mad that I said I was going out with someone else (like I was cheating on him or something). What a mess.
26. The Lover Girl
So I met this girl through a mutual friend and it's not like she (mutual friend) tried to hook us up and in fact gave me what I would later recall as signs to proceed with caution. Anyway, our first date was meant to be a group date with two other couples attending a fireworks show. However it ended up being just her friend, her, and me.
Then the whole time, all she wanted to do was hold my hand and cuddle. Very rarely would she converse more than just simple answers or not at all. Turned out that her friend and I shared common interests in terms of schools and career goals.
So her friend and I became friends quickly but she just kept saying she wanted to lay there looking at me. I mean at first it was cute but not wanting to talk was really inhibiting the evening.
The evening ended with me being bored due to not talking nor being allowed to talk to her friend about anything either. Then after the grand finale of fireworks, she pulled me in for the most awkward and one-sided kiss I've ever had.
I was really stupid and thought it would get better if I tried again. We ended up dating for a little under a month (worst timing of important dates ever with her birthday, my birthday, one day gap, then our one month [which she was scarily hype over]) so I broke up on that free day and and she went insane on me.
Oh and my favorite thing [read weirdest thing] she said to me: "I don't care that you hate me, make something up and lie to me so I can continue to love you".
27. Never Again
It was my first date after my wife and I were through. A mutual friend set us up, we texted, kinda hit it off. She had a couple of kids, one interracial but I think myself to be reasonably open minded.
I took her to the nicest place in town, we came in separate cars, and while we were talking I started noticing this girl has some crazy tendencies, telling me her crazy life story, all these crazy things and I just completely lost interest. I didn't even walk her to her car after the date, I just said bye and left.
She then texts me at 1am telling me "My baby daddy is being fishy, I'm sitting outside his house so I can bust him." Followed by one at 3 am "I am meeting a bunch of really cool people at the bar."
That was it, totally verified nut job status to me. So having dealt with crazy in the past I know you don't reject crazy, you have to make it their idea. So I came on REALLY strong and thankfully she became uninterested. Mission accomplished.
Until she goes up to my ex and says "I went on a date with your ex husband." That caused a lot of crap. Her friend tried to defend her but finally relented that she was having problems and was seeking attention. I learned never to have friends set you up that day.
28. Weird Relationship
I tried signing up for one of those OKCupid Matchmaker Whateverlonelyidiots things online. Within a day, a girl was messaging me! Great! Let's meet up, we can have dinner or something, life is good.
Next day, I got another call! Another girl! What the heck, one date, it's not like I'm hitched to this first one. So off to Timmies to have some coffee. Really nice, chat it up, good times.
Then the next day, the first one calls me back, mad. What did I do? She knew about the second girl! And worst of all... it was her sister!
I somehow got stuck in a crazy thing where the girl tries to find a guy, the little sister goes on the same thing, "hacks" her password (honestly, change your password sometimes...), and then messages all the same guys to try and steal the good ones.
It's actually a delightfully evil plan, using your own sister to sort out the creepiest dudes and then she gets the good ones. And nice to know I made the "not THAT creepy" cut!
Anyways, long story short... stuck in a "romantic" triangle with these 2 sisters. Which is more of a "We hate each other and now we hate you for showing any interest in us" triangle.
Luckily they both gave up and I went back to my lonely dateless existence after a month or so. And never went online dating ever again.
29. Change of Personality
I met this one girl off of an online dating app and we had sent messages back and forth for awhile and we seemed like we would get along great. When we finally met up it was possibly the most awkward experience of my life.
The messages we sent each other were fairly long and in detail and honestly good conversations. When I got to the bar though, any form of conversation with her was like pulling teeth.
I mean I have seriously never met another human being who just didn't understand how people were supposed to interact in person.
I had to ask everything about the other person, I had to try and force out any information about her or myself to try and get to know one another. This whole time I'm like okay, this is weird maybe she is just a little nervous and is normally shy in person.
Then while we are there she ends up seeing a whole group of people she went to college with and went to talk to them and brought me along with her.
Then she wouldn't shut up to them. I ended up talking to one of her friends all night just because she was better at talking like a normal person. The girl I went on the date with thought the date went really well at the end and wanted to meet up again.
It didn't happen.
30. First Times
It was my first real 'date'. We went to our local park, and immediately it was awkward, as I was so shy because I thought she was so much better looking than me. So I wanted to impress her. She thought the same about me.
So, yeah, conversation was minimal. We sat on a bench for a while, trying to talk. We ended up talking about our dogs. We got cold, so we decided walking would be better.
We continue to talk about our dogs.
We finally get hungry, and decide to call it a day, after the hours of awkwardness. She gets her dad to collect her, and I want to kiss her, but I'm too awkward.
I know she's expecting a kiss too, because it was one of those "Sooooo... I guess this is a Bhyee..." and we hug and she walks off while I'm ready to end myself.
We did end up going out a few months later, and we went to the same park and made out on a bench for 30 minutes straight, while people walked by. It was so awkward, and now really cringey.
31. Traffic Madness
I did the online dating thing one summer. I had so many odd experiences....the one that I keep coming back to is when I went to see fireworks with this dude. He seemed cool, we both lived in a suburb of our city and we thought it would be a good idea to go see fireworks.
We easily could have gone right in the area that we lived in...but noo...let's drive 40 minutes in traffic to see them in downtown, that seems like a swell idea. Then he wanted to get beers; I'm easy to please, let's just get some PBR from the gas station, whatever.
NOPE! (we're already running late at this point, I should mention) we had to drive to the liquor store that carries this one beer that he insisted I try. Fine. Then, oh the travesty, they don't have it.
So let's bug the employees and make them look in the back and then pester them about when the next shipment is coming in. Then, finally settling on a beer, we drive to the fireworks. At this point, he makes it obvious to me that he has music ADD and can't listen to a whole freaking song...I have no idea how many songs I heard the first 45 sec of that night.
Soo..we see fireworks...I like fire and things exploding, so that's cool.
Then...he decides to wait in the parking garage for traffic to clear. I had mentioned earlier in the night that I like yoga.
So he decides to make me watch videos of acro yoga. Which is essentially, a man and a woman flipping one another around in awkward places. He wanted to try this, I did not.
I finally get him to leave the parking garage.
This is when he also decides to introduce me to Dubstep. Which he described to me as "robot intercourse." Clearly he's setting the mood here...
Then he starts whipping out bowls and weed to show me "how dank his crap is." I like all of these things, but not on the 4th when cops are everywhere directing traffic...don't be stupid. Then we get stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. I've blocked out the rest of our conversations from my memory.
When we get back to his place (where my car was) I promptly RUN to the other side of my car to avoid a goodnight...anything. 20 minutes later he sends me a text: “You seemed like you were in a huge hurry to leave, I hope it wasn't anything I did.”
32. Killer Smile
I went out to lunch with a girl who was a college student and a "part time model." She seemed super cute in her pictures, so going into the meeting I was on edge, thinking she was going to be like 100 pounds heavier than advertised. I meet her, and it turned out she was really attractive.
This was until I noticed she had a bit of lipstick on her teeth. This caused my attention to draw to her teeth... she had meth mouth. She was missing at least 3 teeth, and the remaining teeth she had made her resemble a yellow-stained jack-o-lantern. I have never been a teeth guy, but I realized it could be a deal breaker.
Luckily, I planned an early escape with 60 minutes at the parking meter. It was the most uncomfortable hour of my life. I dropped her off at her apartment, and as I put my car into park, there was that super long 1 second pause where she's thinking "Is he going to go for the hug or the kiss" and I'm thinking "I need to get out of here".
She unbuckled her seatbelt and kinda leaned over and swung her arm around to go for a hug, and I intercepted it and went for the most awkward handshake of my life.
I checked all of her pictures afterwards, and her mouth was closed in every picture. I totally missed it. It's like when you move into a new apartment, and you check the cupboards for roaches, and make sure the shower has good pressure, but forget to check and see if it comes with a microwave.
Never doing that again.
33. That Escalated Quickly
I went to what I thought was going to be a nice brunch place, down in lower Manhattan. Ended up being really crowded and way too loud to hold any sort of conversation.
Not that the noise level mattered anyway; she didn't even try to start any conversation, or add to any topic that I brought up. Food was pretty crap too, and more expensive than what I thought it to be worth.
After the meal I thought we could just walk around the area and actually get some talking done. We didn't know too much about one another, so it was a good opportunity. She didn't want to talk.
She didn't want to stop off and check out a really cool looking Bazzar that just happened to be in town.
She pulled out a cigarette. 10 minutes later, after an awkward "would you mind not smoking? I have asthma (lie)", she finally mentioned that she had to rush home to study. Didn't even say goodbye. Just dashed off down the subway stairs.
No calls or texts since. It's ok Hanna. I don't dig conversational un-enthusiast smokers anyway.
34. He's An Animal
I don't know that this counts because he was my boyfriend at the time, but one of those terrible relationships that both should end but neither party is willing to do it.
Knowing full well that I'm a vegetarian, he brings me to a steakhouse with dead animals on the wall. Awesome. Naturally, I am rather put off and don't have many options to order so I have a coffee and a salad. The waitress assumes I have an eating disorder which adds a wonderful element of awkwardness to the entire dinner.
Then we go to a movie and it turns out he had brought alcohol in a flask. Gets totally wasted and keeps trying to make out with me in a packed theater.
At this point, I am hungry, mad, and embarrassed. Whatever. After an argument about his compromised driving abilities, I drive us home as he is no longer able to drive his car (despite his protestations).
Then, he tries to have intercourse with me but of course I am not into it. He then freaks out and demands to know who I am cheating on him with. He ends up puking, passing out, and the next morning has no recollection and asks why I puked all over the bathroom.
10/10 would not date again.
35. The Sushi Place
This guy at my school starts talking to me right before summer break and we keep in contact over the summer via facebook. He finally asked me on a date after hinting and I suggested sushi. The day before I asked if he still was up for it and he said sure.
No more than ten minutes later he asked if we could go that day. I was ok with it and we decided to meet up at 5 at the restaurant. Note that this is my first date I have ever been on (I was a sophomore in high school) so I was nervous enough. About two hours before I am going to leave he messages me saying HIS PARENTS WANT TO COME.
I was "wtf-ing" the whole time and I couldn't say no to his parents! I said ok but secretly it made me even more nervous. So it's about 4:40 and I decide to get there early to reserve a table at the sushi place.
At 5:00 I got a seat and was waiting. Then it was 5:10. "OK" I was thinking "they live on the other side of town and it's ok to be a little late." Then it was 5:20. Then 5:30. Then 5:45. The waitress kept asking if I was doing ok and I was on the verge of tears. I ordered my sushi alone at a table for 4. (Note: We always messaged on fb and I lost his number
So I texted my friend to give me his number. I called my mom to pick me up and I just started crying. It was humiliating. I was stood up AND it was the first "date" I have ever been on. I texted him asking if I got the time wrong or the places mixed up. This was his response: "I am so sorry. My parents saw my report card and I was too scared to ask them for a ride to the sushi place. I am so sorry".
I responded back "It's ok". Something that I was always hoping would happen to me in highschool was ruined.
A week later he came to my house with flowers and oreos (because we love oreos and I kind of forgave him). Right before school started I friendzoned him and in front of him (without knowing) a guy gave me his number and was so much hotter than him.
That didn't work out either because we went to different schools across town but eh, I don't really care about that one.
36. She Did Not Think About Me
I had an otherwise awesome day with my new girlfriend. She asks to go out to eat, and I don't have a lot of money, so I just explain that I can only spend about $40 on dinner. She seems understanding, and insists on one specific restaurant. Turns out to be one of the more expensive restaurants in town. First thing she does is order herself a $30 appetizer.
In the end, the bill wound up being about $85, $20 of it being for me, and she was nice enough to throw in $40 while acting ticked off, and just ruining the evening entirely. She slept at my place as usual, giving me the silent treatment all night.
My self esteem was definitely kind of low, otherwise I don't think I would've put up with that sort of thing, but at the time it made me feel like a huge loser.
Moral of the story, if your date ever seems a little unreasonable about ordering at a restaurant, don't ask her to split the bill, ask the waitress so they're stuck paying for the stuff they ordered.
37. Where's The Music?
I met a girl my age while going out, we were hitting it off, liking the same movies and stuff, dancing and fooling around. So 1 or 2 days later I text her and ask if she wants to hang out, and she goes, yeah, there's this music thing later where we could go.
I say yes and actually dress up, like wearing a shirt and chinos. Proceed to meet her (she's wearing a dress and flip flops) and she informs me that we're not going to the music thing, but instead to some kind of lake where some kind of event is going on - with her friends.
So her bff and this guy I didn't know showed up and we were driving to that lake, which takes like an hour and all the time I try to talk to her (we're both in the back seat) but it's kinda awkward, so we mainly just sit there.
Then the party turns out to be mainly college guys drinking overpriced beer from cups dancing to crappy music. We met more of her friends there, one of them a tall blonde girl (my date was small and brunette) who would not stop asking my all kinds of questions, I would have guessed that she hit on me but she never freaking smiled.
Bought my date a $7 beer and we continued to walk along this beach. I just want to sit down to roll a cigarette but we went on and on before we finally sit down an hour later.
Then it's about to go home anyway (was a Sunday and getting late), so on the way home it was even more awkward with her in the back seat.
She said she wanted to get something to eat and wanted to get out of the car before we were at the place where we both lived, so I had the regrettable idea that I should be a gentleman and accompany her (somewhat sketchy area).
At this point it was pretty clear to me that nothing would happen, and I really just wanted to be nice, but she apparently thought I was desperate and that it was creepy.
We went home together and then said goodbye, I think we didn't even hug.
Next time I saw her she more or less ignored me and told her friends about some guy she had intercourse with "But only because I was drunk" loud enough so I could hear it.
Never talked to her again..
38. Should Have Known
I met a nice girl online and decided to give it a chance. We chatted, and she was very chipper, a decent conversationalist, and seemed down to earth.
I thought I had made a score for sure, so when we arranged for coffee and a movie I was rather excited. I received her address, and I was off! Things started to go downhill from there. I arrived, and her home is in a bad part of town.
I sit outside waiting, and as she leaves I hear people fighting. She gets in my car, and she smiles at me. She was a sweet, nice girl, but her teeth were just awful. Any hope for attraction was gone. I hoped, however, we could have a good conversation.
She just stared at me. At my lips. I withdrew into my dark place. I proceeded to take this girl to coffee, and a movie, the whole time with her trying to make a move on me.
Cloudy with Chance of Meatballs still carries traumatic memories. Afterward, she texted me non-stop trying to secure a second date. I declined, and cut contact, successfully making the only thing I secured from the date a heightened sense of feeling like a shallow jerk.
39. The Second Date
I went on an awesome first date with this guy. Pizza and an arcade. Great conversation. So when he asked me for a second date, I didn't hesitate. He told me we were going on a dinner train - they served a three course dinner (I was going to pay for my own) and you'd go on a scenic train ride. Sounded awesome!
I ate a light lunch and was starving and ready for dinner when he picked me up. When I got in the car he said that he had meant to tell me that we weren't having dinner anymore, just riding the train. This was a problem because I needed to eat.
Now what was going to be a romantic dinner with an awesome view was just a train ride.
For three hours we sat on a train. He had a terrible breath - it seriously smelled like decay. And I was so hungry and trying to make conversation while I was starving and smelling his decay breath. I get really cranky when I am hungry so that probably didn't help my perception and mood.
After around an hour, conversation fizzled out and we still had a two hour train ride left. So we sat there in awkward silence for two hours.
I am not sure where the chemistry went between the first and second date. That combined with my overwhelming hunger, the bad breath, and everything else made it a terrible date. We never spoke again.
40. Scared For Life
I went on this date with a guy I had been talking to for about a month. He'd recently been in a serious relationship that had broken off about 3 months before our date. The date started as a double date with his parents playing cards. We then went out (just us) to a developing neighborhood in our town.
He loved to walk through the houses before they were done being built. It was about 11 pm and the house we went into was 3 stories with multiple rooms (it was extremely easy to get lost in).
It was also at the end/back of the neighborhood so it was more secluded than the others. As we were walking through the house I kept hearing noises. It sounded like someone else was in the house with us. He told me that it was just the wind and not to worry. We wandered around the house for around an hour and I heard noises the whole time.
When we walked out of the house there was a car parked out front. It was his ex-girlfriend's car but she was nowhere to be found.
We had always parked down the street so it wasn't obvious what house we were in. He told me to go to his car as quickly as I could. We went back to his house then he had a huge fight with her.
She had been tracking him since they broke up and had followed us into the house. After that night I didn't hear from him again. I heard from mutual friends that they got back together right after that. All I gotta say is I feared for my life. That girl was crazy.
41. Mind Twisting Events
A guy I had kind of known in high school asked me out a short time after my long term high school boyfriend and I broke up. He was cute and nice and I had never really heard anything bad about him so I thought, why not?! What's the worst that can happen?
Come to the night of the date, we had agreed to meet at a neutral place, I wasn’t really comfortable with people knowing where I lived (I had a brief run in with a stalker) so I show up to the parking lot of the mall that we were meeting at maybe 5-10 minutes late but had sent him a text to apologize and let him know.
Well, I'm sitting there and get nothing for about 15 minutes, about now I’m thinking, "awesome, first date since leaving a serious relationship and I'm being stood up" accepting it, I get ready to turn around and drive home when all of a sudden he texts and says he's pulling in now.
I get in his truck and were off, now he wouldn't tell me where we were going or what we were doing but I was trying to be nice and open minded. I later learned this was a bad choice.
This guy’s dad was a landscaper and had his own business. I only put this in the story because this guy brought me to the shed that he kept all the machinery and stuff in.
For two hours he kept me here while I was very conscious of every move he made and not letting him get behind my back out of worry that he was going to stab me. It was a really weird and uncomfortable experience. He kept calling it the BatCave, and I just wanted out.
Trying to be polite I played along for about 15 minutes but after that would bring up maybe calling it a night or going somewhere else (somewhere more public).
Well two hours later I finally convinced him to take me back to my car and put an end to anything that could ever come out of that terrifying experience. A couple weeks later I was waitressing at a popular wing restaurant and he shows up absolutely trashed with his friend.
I tried to ignore them and not make eye contact and thankfully they got seated at the bar and I didn’t have to work with him directly but any time he saw me he would shout and say things and he and his friend just kept drinking for hours.
My shift was over and I had to tip out the bartender so I had to go up near them and there was no way of getting around it but I politely said yes.
He then asked me out on another date and began bragging about how much he had had to drink and how wasted he was. I was not impressed and did not want to talk to him anymore so I kind of lost it a little bit and yelled at him about how irresponsible he was being because I knew he had every intention of driving home.
He and his friend got quiet, I packed my things up and went home. I haven't seen him since, and it has been four years.
42. Face Of Embarrassment
I met a girl at a pub, got her number and started chatting quite a lot online and via text. We were both amazed at how well we were getting along and how similar our views on the world seemed to be.
We decided to hang out at her mum's vacant apartment and take some shrooms. I brewed up a batch of mushroom tea which we then sipped our way through along with a couple of beers.
I was starting to get pretty high and if you have done shrooms, you know the feeling of anxiety mixed with a creeping euphoria that sets in as you begin to trip. It's an edgy, giddy feeling that can turn you into a laughing school kid.
We were in the middle of conversation when all of a sudden this girl - without a hint of anything being awry - abruptly spews all over her chest, mid-sentence.
I stare at her, unable to comprehend what has just happened. I wonder if I am actually the protagonist in a cliche teen movie. She stares at me, eyes wide open with fear and horror.
I try to wrap my head around just how mortifying this situation must be for this girl and then fail to hold in my laughter. She gets up, walks off to her bedroom and locks the door.
I try to console her but she refuses to come out. I was way too high to leave the house and try to make it home so I spent the night on the couch, tripping, by myself.
I never did see that girl again. Some say she's still sobbing and scrubbing the stomach acid, beer and shame from her shirt to this day.
43. Long Walk Back
After a month or so of back and forth between my friends and this group of girls, I ended up going out with this girl I kind of liked.
In retrospect I didn't like her all that much but I never had a girlfriend, my friends had told me she liked me, and I was already in 11th grade so I was like, "Screw it might as well do the favor no one has ever done for me." If I'd only known.
So I psyched myself out and got it into my head I liked her. I was the ultimate "nice guy" "white knight".
So we met after school and walked from one side of the high school to the other to where a group of her friends were waiting. She told me, "Wait here." I wait while she is talking with her friends and this guy I was kind of friends with. So it was like I dunno 6 or 7 girls and this good looking dude.
I get that "this isn't going to end well" feeling. I had already missed my bus home and there were no after school buses that day. Initially I didn't care because I was gonna chill with my first girlfriend. Well, I walk around a corner so I can avoid the stares and get out of ear shot so that they could stop whispering.
Then after a few minutes she comes back and tells me "Things aren't working out...sorry..." and then walks away. I WTFed all over myself. I just stood there while one of her friends consoled me and told me she really liked the other guy and he really liked her blah blah blah...hahaha.
It was a long crappy walk back home that day. I think I went home and wrote a song on guitar or something. I mean, I was a bass player in a band.
44. I Failed The Test
I had an old college friend come to visit me and stay for a weekend. Knew her in college. She was amazingly intelligent and fascinating, but we were both spoken for at the time.
Years later I got Facebook and she was one of the first people to find me. Both of us were single. She asked if I wanted to date her. I said heck yes! I was thrilled at the prospect.
The Short version:
The weekend was spent listening to her narcissistic bullcrap: She told me jokes that are as old as the internet, reworded to sound like personal life anecdotes. She told me all this insane edgelord she used to or still does, like taunting police (back in 2009) or sneaking Cuban products back to America when the embargo was still in place.
She tried to start a fight with a bouncer when we went to a bar and she forgot her ID back at my house (a block away)
We visited some of my best friends, and the moment we parted she talked crap about them non-stop. My brother came by since I texted him I was out and hung out.
She talked to him for quite a while. He left, then she spent the rest of the night talking about how attractive he was. At this point I was just counting the hours until she left. I was no longer interested in her.
She FINALLY left, and I get a text that night:
"You failed all my tests. You laughed at my jokes that weren't really jokes, You didn't defend me against the bouncer, and you aren't interested in my passion (fighting bouncers and cops) and you sat there and took it while I talked about your brother. Also, I don't find you physically attractive."
I didn't reply. I just cut my losses and fell asleep.
Several months later at 4 am I got another text from her. Same text as I just wrote, only this was out of nowhere, and the injury following insult.
I gave her absolute heck for it, and blocked her on facebook. She then made duplicate facebook accounts, and threatened me on those too. She gave up eventually, but I dodged a bullet.
45. The Teaching Assistant
My freshman year of undergrad my TA for a comp sci class I was taking asked me on a date. He seemed normal/nice enough so I agreed and we went to dinner at a random restaurant in the city.
He ordered for me which was not my favorite but I was like whatever cause he seemed to know the place really well.
He was a narcissistic weirdo and he talked about himself the entire time and kept asking me/telling me to “pay attention.” He told me all about his ex fiancé and basically went on a rant about how white women are so entitled so now he’s only interested in “black queens.”
It was making my skin crawl, I felt physically ill.
At the end I wanted to split the bill he said he would pay since I’d be paying him later wink wink. I didn’t even know what to say or do.
I just stared at him and excused myself to go to the bathroom and I left through a side door. Luckily there was only two weeks left in the semester so I only saw him again for the final.