It almost goes without saying that you don’t want to stand in the way of a pregnant woman. But it counts double when the lady in question has sharp retractable claws and can hide under your sofa. In fact, one social media user can tell you exactly what a nightmare living with a pregnant cat can be. Still, secretly, we think he doth protest too much.
According to Imgur poster BoogiesOogie (which we really hope is an alias), the bane of his life is “Sandwich” – who is a fluffy little sandwich with four paws and a tail. Yes, Sandwich is the name of the dude’s cat, and the furry fury has apparently taken over BoogiesOogie’s life.
So in his comedic and sardonic social media story, BoogiesOogie revealed that Sandwich appeared out of nowhere on his doorstep in Ferndale, Michigan. He actually even tried to return the cat to sender via internet appeals, but there were no takers.
Hence, Sandwich became a permanent squatter, refusing to pay rent or contribute to the bills. In fact, it became clear that Sandwich was like that deadbeat friend we all know and loathe. You know, the one who refuses to get a job and lounges around your house uninvited, licking their own genitals…
Or, as BoogiesOogie’s said, “Sandwich is an a**hole.” What’s more, Sandwich decided to take over the house by bringing in a family. “After I took her homeless a** to the vet… they told me she had six more squatters in her dumb cat uterus,” BoogiesOogie revealed.
“She decided it was acceptable to have her b*stards in my home,” the OP added. But Sandwich didn’t care what her human servant thought. Indeed, she just wanted to spread her spawn in her next step toward world – or at least house – domination.
Even more infuriatingly, BoogiesOogie provided them all with a box and bedding to call their own – only for the litter to turn their fuzzy little butts up at it. Instead, Sandwich apparently insisted that her minions explore and play all over the house and nap wherever they wanted.
But BoogiesOogie was apparently further frustrated by the cats’ apparent dislike of regular beer. “I had to get their non-palate having a**es Miller Lite,” he wrote, incredulous. “That’s not even how you spell light.”
And when the cats refused to use a toilet like normal people, the OP realized that he’d be cleaning up after the moochers until he could get rid of them. Still, the little fluffers clearly enjoyed being doted on by their mostly furless servant and manipulated him into showering them with affection.
BoogiesOogie also claimed that the cats were arrogant and that they loved the camera. However, lacking opposable thumbs, they couldn’t operate one by themselves, so he, as their subservient human, had to do it for them. Mind you, they consistently ruined his attempts at taking selfies with their endless photo-bombing.
Plus, whenever the OP tried to take a picture of all of them together, they intentionally wouldn’t cooperate. “Look at them, they can’t even take a family picture properly,” the BoogiesOogie complained. “Really, just one picture… you can’t do it!? They will probably all end up with entry level jobs.”
Yes, they foiled even the OP’s best efforts at photography, and BoogiesOogie was not pleased. “Look at that little sh*t on the right, his head is moving so fast because he is a terrible person and an even worse cat,” he wrote of this snap.
Eventually, the OP gave it up as a bad job and resigned himself to the fact that they were just trying to make his life difficult. In all honesty, they were probably off their tiny fuzzy heads on catnip. They seem like the type.
You have to wonder, though, what makes a fully grown man into a slave to a cat like Sandwich and her progeny. After all, BoogiesOogie could have called the cops, or kicked the interlopers out on their fluffy little butts. But we think he has a secret enjoyment of their company, like some kind of masochist.
In fact, he may have some serious issues going on there. “I had to touch these disgusting insufferable f**kwits with my own two hands,” he wrote on his post. But he handles them a suspicious amount… as if he likes it.
Naturally, then, the Sandwich squires began to dominate more of the house as they grew older. Instead of sticking to the floors like real cats, for instance, they raised their status and elevated themselves to head of the bed. And if the BoogiesOogie was in it at the time, all the better!
In fact, they would creep into BoogiesOogie’s room like thieves in the night and hijack his body heat. “I have to wake up to this filthy cuddle puddle of unemployable ham fisted nitwits,” he bemoaned. And they probably stole all the covers, too.
Despite the OP’s constant complaining and self-pity, however, the story of Sandwich and her unstoppable sandspawn has drawn in quite the viewing. To date, it has received over 355,000 views and over 18,000 points on Imgur by fellow gluttons-for-punishment wanting their own feline moochers.
After all, the internet is full of weirdos. One of them, for example, wrote, “I think this could be one of the few times I can honestly say I wish I had seven little a**holes.” It’s possible they were talking about the cats, but we can’t be sure.
In conclusion, then, it’s clear that BoogiesOogie likes having Sandwich and her niblets around, even if it’s just because they’re bite-sized. Mostly, though, his perseverance in the face of such terribly adorable living conditions is admirable. Chin up, BoogiesOogie, and make sure your a**holes don’t get you into any trouble.