Cats are, by and large, jerks. They take all of our love but what do we get in return? At best, indifference. At worst, though, outright robbery of our stuff. And cat burglars didn’t get the nickname for being clumsy and obvious, so catching these little sneaks in the act is a pleasure we don’t often experience. So here are some of the worst offenders being snagged at the peak of their betrayal. Starting with a sneaky cinnamon bun liberation…
Cat: “Oh, so bun is not for cat? Cat thought bun was for cat. Bun is for hooman? Oh, okay. It’s just… can cat have bun? No? Cat understands… Cat is not good enough cat for…”
Owner: “Oh just take the damn bun.”
The manic eyes and vice-like grip that this moggy has mustered certainly show just how desperate for pizza he is. We think he’s probably been hitting the catnip too hard and has a life-threatening case of the munchies.
Hey, you’ve certainly got pretty expensive tastes there, Oscar. Tell you what, if you leave that alone while we are out of the room we’ll buy you an entire charcuterie board. But you’re not going to are you? Cats can be so unreasonable sometimes.
“Hey Tigger, what you got there?”
“Is that my pen? Can daddy have his pen back?”
*Sigh* “I’ve told you I’m not living out this lie any more, Frank. You’re not my father.”
“I’m keeping the pen, Frank.”
Cat: “Yo! What’s that behind you?”
Owner: “I’m not falling for that again. You just want my pretzels.”
Cat: “I was giving you an out, man. I’m taking your pretzels regardless. Next time, take the out – save us both some embarrassment.”
Although this cat looks like he stole some sausages, he actually suffers from a birth defect known as “Sausage Tongue.” It’s very rare. As a matter of fact, the only real symptoms are difficulty drinking milk and milk that always tastes like sausages.
Let this be a lesson to all of you: be aware that cats can double their pouncing range when they smell kippers. It’s like that freak strength mothers get when their kids get trapped under a rock or something, only more arrogant.
“I won’t touch the pancakes. I won’t touch the pancakes. Must not touch the pancakes.”
“Smokey! Bad cat! What is the one thing I said not to do?”
“Myeh… mai much ma mancakes.”
Look at those desperate eyes. To be fair to this poor little kitty, however, he does have a debilitating addiction to catnip and he’s racked up some serious debt with a loan shark. Basically, sometimes stealing is the only option left.
“Anyone seen the cat? I can’t find him anywhe-”
“DON’T LOOK AT ME! I’M HALF A SAUSAGE IN AND I’VE LOST THE FEELING IN MY LEGS AND MY SENSE OF SELF-WORTH!”
Look how undeniably smug this little scumbag is. We can steal from toddlers too, but at least we’re not proud of it when we do. Or is he in fact summoning the power of the cat gods to help the kid out?
You can explicitly see the thought process ticking over in this cat’s head. “I know the consequences of my actions will be severe, but I also know I really want that delicious sandwich. Who am I kidding? The moment his back is turned…”
“Oh, the missing sweets? Yeah, erm… so there was this big, erm… you won’t believe it, in fact. It was a big… snake. Yeah, that’s it… a snake… slithered up to the sweets and I, erm… I scared him away, as a matter of fact. I was pretty brave.”
See? In due time, cats will find even the tiniest window of opportunity to take what is rightfully yours. Our tip is to fill the bowl with coffee-flavored Revels and see who has the last laugh. Almost definitely you, because cats can’t laugh.
As a matter of fact, there are several concerning things in this image. What happens, for instance, if the baby tries to fight back? How will the cat eventually get out of that position without bellyflopping? Most important of all, however: who puts a giant poster of an energy drink on their wall?
This little tea-leaf has undoubtedly been failed by bad parenting and fallen through the cracks. Luckily, however, he still knows how to hunt down the best bites from below the cracks.
Picture the scene: you have just caught your cat rifling through your underwear drawer. The cat immediately knows he has done something wrong and then slowly backs away with this guilty expression. Could you ever look at your cat in the same way again?
“Hurhur, so… funny thing, right. I know it looks like I was just about to eat your food but, hahaha, I was totally just kidding. Funny, right? Me pretending to eat your food, of course, and you pretending I’m in trouble. Man, we crack me up.”
“Don’t stand there and judge me, Carol. Yeah, so I see a big bird and I want to eat it, and what? Tryin’ to act like I haven’t watched you cry and eat two tubs of Ben and Jerry’s, like, three times a week.
This one is in fact pretty sweet. It looks like he is stealing the pizza, but he is gently transferring fluids from the mouse that he just killed so his owner can share. Cats are such thoughtful, gift-giving creatures, of course.