20 Men Who Prove Why Women Live Longer

It is a fact that the average lifespan of women is longer than that of men, but have you ever stopped to wonder why? Sure, there are genetics involved as well as various common lifestyle choices, but sometimes it’s hard not to think that us guys might be bringing it on ourselves. Whether they’re cutting corners or producing terrible makeshift pieces of engineering, the men of this world can sometimes be bafflingly stupid. In fact, let’s just hope these idiots don’t end up winning a Darwin Award.

The funniest thing about this picture is surely the slight trepidation that the three goons are displaying. It’s like for the first time in the entire set-up to this potential triple death, one of them said, “Hey, doesn’t water do something to electricity?”

Sharon: “Pete! PETE!”
Pete: “What? You’ll have to speak up! I can’t hear you over the engine!”
Sharon: “What happened to hiring a gardener?”
Pete: “I’m not made of money, Sharon…”
Sharon: “So how much was the truck?”

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This was actually working for a while – before natural selection kicked in. Then, just after they finished the repairs, the big guy at the back celebrated with a jumping high five, and the rest was history. Probably.

Broseph: “Hey, bro? So you wanna take this down to extreme town?”

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Chad: “Hell yeah bro! I’ll do anything. What did you have in mind?”

Broseph: “Grab me that Swiss, dude. I’m gonna show you how they squat in Switzerland. Those dudes have big balls.”

To be fair, sometimes a little improvisation can go a long way when you do not have the necessary tools available. However, we’re guessing a paper mask to protect from fire is about as effective as using even more fire to protect you from fire.

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“Don’t stop me now ‘cos I’m having such a good time, I’m having a ball! Don’t stop me noooww, ‘cos I’ve bought a massive TV! Wait, I’m gonna faaallll!” *Splat*.

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We guess this worked – and a bad idea isn’t a bad idea if it works. Maybe. Or maybe this was the stupidest idea ever and it’s just a matter of time before these guys hit the headlines with “Four killed in forklift fail, witnesses say, ‘served them right.’”

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“Dude, did we think this through?”

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“Yeah, trust me… it will be fine.”

“Okay. Why did you take your shirt off?”

“I don’t know, why didn’t you? Gawd…”

“Okay, okay, sorry I asked… Kinda weird, though, right?”

Yes, this might block sparks and the odd chipped stone that flies around, but gradual death by asphyxiation is a very real risk. Is that blood on his gloves? Because it really doesn’t surprise us if it is.

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Nurse: “We’re almost ready for you, Mr Johnson. I just need to take down a few details before we head through. So, what seems to be the problem?”

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Mr Johnson: “…are you serious? Can’t you see I have appendicitis?”

This guy was just showing off his Mad Max monologue and got a little too carried away.

“WITNESS ME! Hahaha! WITNESS ME IMMORTAN! Haha!” *cough* “actually…” *cough* “help me.” *cough* “phone an ambulance.”

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Hey guy, whatever you do, do not stand up too fast. And don’t knock the window frame too hard. And don’t stick your head out of the window again. In fact, try to just stay in the house from now on because you’ll die without supervision.

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Poor old Jonny Crick,
In a bucket, his head he did stick,
He drove round the block,
But was too slow to stop,
Now his head has been broken on bricks.

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We didn’t even know removal vans had this genius feature, but there you go. What isn’t so genius, however, is the lack of ropes, harnesses, safe walking platforms, correct supervision and – by the look of it – common sense.

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If you really want a dramatic end to your life, squatting on the edge of a chipper certainly is a good way to achieve it. Furthermore, you might even end up being part of the actual newspaper that they print your obituary on. Not a lot of people can claim that accolade.

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This doesn’t just seem like a death wish, it seems like an unnecessarily painful death wish. Why would he position his, ahem, special bits right below the precariously balanced tire? These guys are certainly jacking up the danger.

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“Seriously dude, I remember getting into the club, and the rest is a blur. I honestly have no idea how I am still holding this incredibly unnatural pose, but do you think you could put the camera down and give me a hand?”

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This guy doesn’t care for health and safety laws. He does exactly what he wants, when he wants. And today he wants to see if he can punch himself in the head and keep his feet warm at the same time.

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This could have ended in the dumbest and most painful version of friendly fire ever. And with a gun that size, the policeman would probably be sent into orbit. It doesn’t even look comfy, so how was it ever worth the risk?

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The futility of the dreadlock helmet is almost unfathomable. How did this guy think it was a good idea? Furthermore, why did no-one on the site tell him it wasn’t a good idea? How did he get this far through his life already with those smarts?

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