We don’t know if you’ve noticed, but in the eyes of the internet, cats are kind of a big deal. We like them. We like when they sit in boxes, we like when they get really fat, and we love it when they freak out at the sight of a cucumber (Google it). But have we been giving cats too much attention? There’s only so much you can stroke a cat’s ego before it thinks it’s on equal footing with us humans. How long until they realize they might even be better than us and the roles begin to reverse? In fact, maybe it’s happening already… anyone else think cucumbers are a little bit scary?
Dave: “How many cats does it take to change a lightbulb? Haha!”
Cat: “Meow many meh meh meh meh meh meh… your jokes aren’t funny Dave.”
This cat’s laid-back expression says it all. “Yeah, I bathe here, so what? Did you think it was your hair blocking the sink all the time? You’re bald, John. Now get me a towel.”
Some of the more elegant members of the feline world are going a step beyond simply sitting like people. This fine specimen has a defiant gaze that seems to say, “I know I look good. Take my picture now, human. Or you may never take a picture again…”
Give a cat a cake and he’ll feed himself for a day. Teach a cat to bake and he’ll begin underselling local bakeries so that the delicate economy begins to collapse. Also, he’ll look really cute in an apron.
This is animal cruelty. How is it fair that this poor human must pedal his chilled-out kitty overlord around in sweltering heat? Sure, it’s just sunglasses and chauffeurs now, but it won’t be long until we’re seeing cats with butlers and tiny bits of bling.
Look at this snap-happy little calico-camera-cat. Isn’t she adorable? That’s what her owner thought until he saw the developed photographs: 42 shots of his family sleeping, three shots of kitchen knives and one shot showing how she had spelled out “SOON” with her cat biscuits.
Yes, it’s cute when your pets do human, but teach them too much, and it won’t just be cartoon mice getting the claws. Before you know it your search history will be “where human go in day?” and “best catnip home delivery.”
“Ahem… I know this is weird for you Janet, but that litter box just felt degrading. I didn’t want you to see this, but now you know, do you think FOR ONCE you could shell out for some quilted paper? Man, you’re cheap.”
Frank here is just so done with pretending everything is okay. First they bought the puppy. Then they made him share a room with the puppy. Well, all that attention on the puppy gave him time to learn to drive! Who has the last laugh when he’s sunning himself in Cancun? Frank does, that’s who.
This scholarly mog is the world’s foremost expert on feline history and philosophy. He claims Shakespeare was actually a cat with impressive penmanship and that it’s no coincidence that the Egyptians worshipped cats. Don’t even get him started on Schrödinger.
Cat: “Yo. Need any milk?”
Human: “I’m good”
Cat: “Little fake mouse thing with a bell on?”
Human: “Okay, I guess…”
Cat: “I know a guy who can fix you up. Walk this way.”
*They both shuffle out the door like penguins*
In mountainous regions the local cats have learnt their mannerisms from their nosey neighbors. This particular pose is the “Wow, I can’t believe those lazy Freedmans haven’t even attempted to shovel their drive yet” look. Cats can be really judgmental sometimes.
“WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT? WHOOOAH-OO-WHOOAH-OO-WHOOAHO! Wait, wait… should I do something by Cat Stevens? Or anything from the musical Cats? I mean, it doesn’t have to be cat-themed, but I’m not sure I know anything else. Theme from The Lion King?”
The Tony Soprano of cats has already been ordering hits on unsuspecting dog gangs and taking down milk trucks around the city. He’s a real fat cat in the seedy underworld of feline crime so when he turns his eyes towards us humans, we had best be on guard.
Either this cat has been caught in the middle of an intense rendition of the disco hit “Night Fever” or he’s summoning power from the gods to smite those who put him on a dinner plate. Either way, we should clear the room before he reaches his full, devastating potential.
Although it may be terrifying to know that we will all one day be bowing down to our feline overlords, one bonus of their impressive evolution is their ability to create pitch-purrfect heavy-metal meowsic. This band calls itself Metallicat, of course.
Puss in Boots has let himself go. Still, if he keeps dancing to Soulja Boy’s “Crank That” he’ll soon burn off those excess calories. If a few of the kitties on this list collaborate, we can’t see it being long before the first all-feline music video hits number one in the charts.
When this moggy’s owner came home from work early, the last thing she expected was to catch a casual gaming kitty ruining all of her save files. Notice how the cat’s been smart enough to press the paws button? You’re witnessing evolution here, guys.
What concerns us isn’t so much the forethought to bring along his own swimming aid; it’s that Jimmy here is actually a regular long-haired cat and he has learned how to shave. He’ll be wearing our clothes soon, and before you know it, you’ll be working for Jimmy.
This final image is proof that the evolution isn’t just an anomaly. When one cat learns to walk, another will soon follow. All they need is a leader to rally them, then every cat in the land will also have pictures of their own pets hung on the wall. All hail our feline overlords, for soon we will know the cat-aclysm.