Men and women are certainly very different creatures. While we all share certain traits, there just seems to be enough inherent differences with the way our brains are wired that the quirks of the opposite sex can be both confusing and exasperating. There are exceptions, of course, but generally speaking, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. And for some reason we all met up on Earth to confuse each other.
One of the main things that differentiates men from the fairer sex is the ability to grow a spectacular mustache. That, and the tendency to make fake facial hair for the baby as soon as their wife leaves the room. Spectacular.
Babies are great. Napping is great. Label makers are awesome. Knowing what things are thanks to accurate labelling – also great. Anyone who can’t see anything wrong with this scenario is probably a man.
Quality dad-and-baby time certainly is important. But so is teaching pro-gaming skills from a very young age. You have to work on that hand-eye coordination if your son is ever going to become the world number one at Call of Duty.
When one wife walked in on her husband turning his cat into Spidercat, she immediately had to snap a photo. You can tell that the cat is really enjoying it too. Just look at that manic look of fear and helplessness in his eyes.
When needs must, grab the nearest tool at your disposal. In this case a bra-mask did the exact job he needed. How else are you going to find out what the world looks like from the point of view of a boob?
Googly eyes make everything better. This guy’s partner didn’t fully agree when she opened the fridge to find a deleted scene from Sausage Party, however. She got really angry, but he couldn’t take her seriously due to the googly eyes he’d snuck onto her forehead.
This guy doesn’t do half measures. In the time taken to write this one, however, he probably could have gone and done the shopping himself. Mind you, we prefer the creative approach and kind of want to watch the film version now.
Wife: “Hey, did you get everything on the list?”
Husband: “Well, I got everything on a list…”
Wife: “You look guilty. Which list, Clive?”
Husband: “Ever been on the Ben and Jerry’s website?”
This guy’s wife keeps a “cat of the month” collage despite the fact that they only own one cat. She is either a comedy genius or we may have stumbled upon the new definition of “crazy cat lady.”
Apparently this is what “working on my novel from home” looks like when you are unaware your husband is also working from home that day. To be fair, her novel is named The Light Tanfastic so maybe she can pass it off as research.
Interviewee: “Fantastic to meet you sir, I really appreciate the opportunity.”
Formal baby: “Blurgle.”
Interviewer: “The boss is on his way. That’s his baby in a suit. He thinks it’s funny. You 100 percent don’t get the job, though, because you are obviously an idiot.”
We think the difference here is obvious. Her letter is a ransom note informing her about the kidnap and subsequent extortion of several close members of her family. And he can’t read.
Men who don’t wear makeup will never understand makeup. This guy’s wife asked him which one he liked more, to which he probably just picked one at random, and it was almost definitely the wrong answer.
This guy’s girlfriend threw him a ringer when she asked him to bring the pink bag. He ended up taking both, but she actually meant a third option, and the resulting confusion led to an existential crisis and a long recovery.
Romance doesn’t come naturally to all men, but chicken nuggets and tater tots for a romantic dinner really sets a certain standard. Stop making all other men look bad, dude – give us a chance.
The point here is that some men often miss opportunities when they are distracted by their hobbies. A counter point could be: it’s weird to sneak into a stranger’s house and get naked while they are too distracted to notice.
When this husband was asked by his wife to go and buy six potatoes he probably came home thinking he’d done an okay job. Maybe logic and forward thinking aren’t the fortes of the men of the world. At least this man, anyway.
Don’t leave a man to name your new puppy because you never know what might happen. I mean, we would have gone with Pawsy Osborne, the Prince of Barkness, but hey, what do we know?
Here we have an obvious difference in both persona and priorities between the sexes. While Anna favors aesthetics, nature and a laid-back garden chair to find her comfort, the guy that lives above favors being awesome.
Annabel: “Erm… Oliver? Why does our baby look like one of those middle-aged men who start losing their hair so they compensate by getting ripped?”
Oliver: “Oh my God that is exactly what I was going for! I love you, you know.”