When This Exhausted Mom Filmed Herself At Night, The Startling Footage Explained Everything

Darnell’s tiredness is something we can all relate to, right? There are times when sleep really does come at a premium in our lives. And it sucks! The mental fog alone is enough to drive you crazy. Exhaustion was the last thing Darnell needed, too.

You see, Darnell and her husband are parents to three small children. And as any mom or dad will tell you, you need to be on your A-game when you’re looking after kids. Feeling like a sleep-deprived zombie while your toddler causes havoc is no fun! We don’t blame Darnell for wanting to find out why she was so tired.

What did the footage ultimately show, then? Why was Darnell’s sleep getting interrupted during the night? After the mom viewed her video, she shared her findings with the world on social media. And she has quite the following online — which is probably why her clip ultimately went viral.

While Darnell’s not at Kim Kardashian levels of social media popularity, she’s doing pretty well for herself. At the time of writing, she has over 91,000 followers on Instagram and more than 40,000 fans on Facebook. The mom of three has close to 17,000 subscribers on YouTube as well. Impressive numbers! But there are plenty of exhausted mothers out there, so what marks Darnell out from the crowd?

Well, exercise appears to play a big role in Darnell’s everyday life. She’s into gymnastics and yoga. Her hubby is an active type, too. He works as a professional stuntman, of all things! But working up a sweat didn’t explain why Darnell was so tired all the time. And it’s not the reason why her social media output is so unique.

There are plenty of fitness fanatics online already, so you’d assume that Darnell’s bringing more than that to the table. And you’d be right. On the About page of her Facebook account, the mom explains that her exercise regime isn’t just about her. Often, it’s a real family affair.

Darnell wrote, “Physical fitness has always been a priority in my life. And when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest, I made it a mission to learn as much as I could about prenatal fitness, practice what I preach, and share my journey along the way.” How did she cope after she became a mom, though?

Well, Darnell revealed all on her Instagram. “Post-baby, I now had a new balance to achieve, which was maintaining my fitness routine with a baby in the mix,” she continued. “My solution was home workouts that involved my kid! Three kids later, that is still my solution, and I love sharing minimal-equipment home workouts here!” They’re adorable to watch, too.

To mark her daughter’s fifth birthday, Darnell uploaded a video montage showing the pair working out together across those five years. Don’t worry, though! Her little girl is only doing stretching and basic exercise — not lifting weights. And the mom’s Instagram followers wouldn’t have been shocked, as she’d posted something even more impressive a few months earlier.

That time, Darnell had shown the world that she exercised with all of her kids — yep, all three of them! And in that Instagram post, the mom shared a few handy hints for parents looking to stay fit. She justified getting her children involved in her videos, too.

Darnell wrote, “If [your children] want to join in, encourage them! This [is] a reason why I like to work out when they’re home. They’re able to see that my health is a priority for me and that moving my body makes me feel good. I feel fortunate to be able to set an example for them.” Makes sense. Working out probably helps Darnell to shake off her grogginess from lack of sleep, too.

But exercise isn’t the only health habit Darnell encourages her kids to practice. The mom and her husband are both vegans, you see. And they’re bringing their children up to eat a plant-based diet, too. Darnell isn’t bothered about it, though — even if she does receive criticism every now and again.

Darnell defended herself on her Facebook page, writing, “I have received acceptance from my obstetrician and won over our pediatrician through example. [It’s] hard to argue against healthy, growing, non-nutritionally deficient kids all raised on a vegan diet.” Fair enough. But what kind of stuff do they eat and drink? And does Darnell get enough nutrients in her body to combat the tiredness?

It would seem so, yes. Back in September 2020, Darnell shared a short clip on Instagram that showed her preparing a breakfast smoothie. Among the ingredients were a single banana, Medjool dates, hemp seeds, an antioxidant berry mix, cranberry water, and flax oil. And it looked delicious! The kids certainly seemed to enjoy it, anyway.

Darnell’s life choices haven’t just made her a big hit on social media. That’s right: she’s also got her own Fitmomma website, which includes a blog and a shop. The mom sells food, Vitamix blenders, and ebooks, to name a few of her products. Her 5 Day Vegan Kickstarter guide will set you back nearly $20 if you’re interested. And, no, it wasn’t her diet that was making her so tired...

Yes, even though the mom ate healthily and stayed fit, she had a problem. Basically, she just couldn’t get a good night’s rest! So, Darnell came up with a creative plan to keep track of her movements once the lights went off.

Darnell wrote on YouTube, “My husband is traveling for work, my ten-month-old still isn’t sleeping through the night, and my two-year-old has an ear infection. For my personal curiosity of how much sleep I’ve actually been getting, I duct-taped our Nest Cam to the ceiling. What you’re about to witness is real footage of how my night went.” Intriguing!

The video begins at 10:00 p.m., when Darnell’s getting comfortable in her bed. Around an hour later, though, her sleep is rudely interrupted. So, she leaves the bedroom and comes back at 11:20 p.m. with her baby in tow.

Darnell then puts the infant next to her on the mattress and goes back to sleep. Well, she tries to, anyway! Most of the time, the baby doesn’t stay still. He even crawls around at one point. And, unsurprisingly, this movement wakes his mom up.

Darnell gives her restless baby a kiss before cradling him in her arms. Then there appears to be a decent stretch where the parent gets some uninterrupted sleep. Sure, the kid’s still fidgeting around a bit, but it doesn’t seem to be bothering his mom that much.

Unfortunately for Darnell, she’s eventually woken up again by her daughter crying in the other room. This happens at 1:00 a.m. and leaves the mom rubbing her eyes in exasperation. You can’t help but feel sorry for her! Anyway, Darnell’s child eventually walks into the bedroom and joins her family.

Now Darnell has two extra bodies lying on top of her, and it doesn’t look very comfortable. Mind you, for the next half an hour she appears to get a bit more sleep. Then she leaves the room with her daughter at 1:30 a.m before returning by herself a short time later.

Darnell drifts off to sleep once more, but the same can’t be said about her baby. As the night goes on, he tugs at his mom’s hair, and she stirs a little in response. Then the video ultimately transitions to 6:20 a.m. We’re tired just watching it.

At that time, Darnell is still resting. Her son, on the other hand? He’s ready to get up, and he taps his mom’s face and climbs over her body. The baby even looks at the camera with a smile. Hi there! Finally, Darnell opens her eyes, ready for the day — even if she’s still tired.

The curious Darnell could now see exactly why she felt so exhausted! She shared the video on YouTube in April 2018 and named it “Why Moms Wake Up Tired.” There must be plenty of other tired moms out there, too, as at the time of writing, the clip had earned over nine million views.

After then sharing the footage on Instagram, Darnell wrote, “Parenting doesn’t end when the sun goes down. I want to parent at night the same way I parent during the day. You have two night-time parenting goals: get sufficient rest yourself and meet the nutritional and emotional needs of your child. It’s a tough balance.” You can say that again!

But Darnell then switched her focus to her fellow mothers going through the same thing. And she made it clear that they were all united — and that they shouldn’t let their tiredness get them down. Pretty cool of her, wouldn’t you agree? Kind words like that can really help parents feel like they’re not going through difficult patches on their own.

Darnell added, “To all of the tired mothers out there, breathe in and breathe out. These days are intense but short-lived. Both you and baby will be sleeping more soundly before long. For now, cuddle your babies, nurse them, and love them — no matter what time the clock says.”

“The baby you rock tonight someday may have the opportunity to be gazing at the stars while holding a sweet baby of her own,” Darnell concluded. “She will be thinking of and appreciating you.” That’s a very lovely thought! And it clearly struck a chord with Darnell’s following.

You see, Darnell’s post generated over 4,000 comments from Instagram users. Plenty of them could relate to the exhausted mom, and they too shared tales of sleepless nights with their children. One parent seemed as though she’d had a particularly difficult time — but at least she still had a sense of humor about it.

The Instagram user wrote, “I have just seen this video on [social media], and this could have been my house last night! Well, except I woke up to my ten-month-old shaking the headboard and laughing! We mommies are amazing, and people wonder why we are tired all the time!”

That’s got us thinking, though — does a mother’s sleep pattern naturally change after having a baby? Well, sort of. It’s more that they have to adapt to the baby’s cycle. And that’s not easy. Infants generally won’t rest for longer than four hours each night, which doesn’t bode well for tired new parents.

During a typical night, a three-month-old will spend between 50 to 80 percent in REM, and they’ll move in and out of the different sleep stages more frequently. This means they’re more likely to be disturbed by the faintest sound or touch — as plenty of parents will know! And, naturally, this can have a big effect on mom and dad.

As we can see from Darnell’s footage, it’s difficult to enjoy an uninterrupted spell of deep sleep when you have a baby. And the less rest you get, the more tired you are when morning rolls around. Sure, you’ll still manage to survive during those initial months, but you can’t underestimate the toll that sleeplessness can take on your physical and mental wellbeing.

Thankfully, the U.K.’s National Health Service website has a few tips. You could take naps while your child sleeps during the day, for example. You may also want to think about hitting the hay earlier than you normally do — just to see if that makes a difference. And however you cope, you should remember Darnell’s wise words on baby-related sleeplessness. “These days,” she wrote on Instagram, “are intense but short-lived.” Yet science has revealed that it could actually be worse if, like Darnell, you’re living in America.

Caitlyn Collins is an Assistant Sociology Professor at Washington University in St. Louis. She has a PhD in sociology from The University of Texas and a BA from Whitman College. Her area of expertise is social inequality, and she is particularly interested in gender inequality within the workplace and the home.

With that in mind, Collins decided to investigate the work-life balance that so many mothers strive for and how women in different countries across the western world seek to achieve this. And it’s fair to say that her findings were shocking, particularly in what they revealed about American moms.

Collins interviewed 135 working mothers in Germany, Italy, Sweden, and the U.S. She picked those countries because of their distinct differences in parental policy. And it was Collins’ aim to explore how these unique approaches affected the lives of the middle-class moms taking part in her study.

Each nation’s policies, according to Collins, reflected different ideals in employment, gender, and motherhood. As a result, they had varying impacts on the women in her study. However, she found that the stress moms felt when it came to balancing employment with the majority of the parental work was universal.

Going into the study, Collins was aware that the U.S. was ranked bottom in the industrialized Western world when it came to policies that support work-family balance. This is evident in the country’s lack of paid parental leave and the fact that it has the worst gender pay gap. American workers also have no guaranteed sick or vacation days, and the country has the highest rates of poverty among mothers and children.

With that in mind, Collins thought that perhaps the U.S. could learn something from the European nations in her study. But what exactly did she discover about the work-life balance of moms in Germany, Italy, and Sweden? Well, for a start, she found that each of the mothers she spoke to had a unique set of worries.

Collins found that the moms she spoke to in Sweden felt the most supported in her study. The country is well known for its progressive parental policies, which include one of the most generous parental leave models in the world. That’s because Swedish moms and dads receive 480 leave days per child. And this can be divided up between parents as they see fit.

Swedish parents receive 80 percent of their usual salary for the first 390 days of their leave. After that, they are transferred to a flat rate. Plus, if they decided not to take all of the time off they’re entitled to just after their baby is born, they can take it at any time until their child reaches eight years of age.

With policies like this, it’s little wonder that Sweden scores in the top two countries for parental leave in the world. Nor is it surprising that the Swedish mothers Collins spoke to expected to have their work-life decisions supported by their bosses, partners, and government. However, they still felt pressure to be “perfect” moms.

In Germany, Collins discovered a difference in attitudes between the East and West, which was surely a hangover from the time that the so-called iron curtain separated the country into two. In the East, which sat on the communist side of the old divide, Collins found that the tradition of mandatory employment in the former Soviet Bloc meant that women felt empowered to work, but many of them cut their hours or lowered their ambitions after having children.

In both West Germany and Italy, Collins found strong maternal values. These were so ingrained that some people believed children not raised by their moms could be damaged. As a result, many women felt that working was incompatible with motherhood, and therefore felt stigma for pursuing a career. With that in mind, part-time work was a popular option among West German and Italian moms.

But despite the burden that moms across Germany, Italy, and Sweden feel, they at least had some support from their respective governments in the form of policy. This was not the case, however, for American mothers. As a result, they were found to be the most worried and guilt-ridden moms in Collins’ study. In fact, as Collins put it, they were “drowning in stress.”

Collins documented her findings in her book Making Motherhood Work: How Women Manage Careers and Caregiving, which was released in February 2019. And in it she concluded that all the women in her study were seeking a perfect work-life balance. But this wasn’t always possible to achieve.

In her book, Collins wrote, “Across the countries where I conducted interviews, one desire remained constant among mothers. Women wanted to feel that they were able to combine paid employment and child-rearing in a way that seemed equitable and didn’t disadvantage them at home or at work.”

But Collins did concede that American mothers appeared to have it worse off when it came to achieving that desired work-life balance. She wrote, “The United States is an outlier among Western Industrialized countries for its lack of support for working mothers.” And she added that this manifested itself in feelings of inner conflict and guilt.

In an attempt to achieve a better work-life balance, Collins found that many American mothers try to change jobs. They may also attempt to become more efficient and may use a breastpump to facilitate feeding their babies when they’re not around. These measures, Collins wrote, were “individual strategies that approach child-rearing as a private responsibility and work-family conflict as a personal problem.”

According to Collins, it was particularly hard for American mothers to find the perfect balance between their children and their work. “Women who are committed to their careers but take too much time away for their family are thought to violate the work devotion schema,” she wrote, “while those who avoid or delegate their familial commitments violate the family devotion schema.”

Across the board, Collins found that an idealistic motherhood meant an all-encompassing devotion to her offspring. They in turn are thought of as her sole purpose for existing and the source of her fulfillment and creativity. Children, on the other hand, were seen as delicate and in need of a loving mom. According to the ideal, fathers simply cannot compare, as they just do not have the same skills in nurturing.

However, while all countries were found to have unrealistic expectations of mothers, with their country’s lack of parental policy, American mothers were in a particularly impossible situation. And what’s worse, they felt responsible for the difficult circumstances they found themselves in, much to Collins’ horror.

Speaking to Psychology Today in March 2019, Collins said, “I want American moms to stop blaming themselves. I want American mothers to stop thinking that somehow their conflict is their own fault, and that if they tried a little harder, got a new schedule, woke up a little earlier every morning, using the right planner or the right app, that they could somehow figure out the key to managing their stress. That’s just not the case.”

Explaining why she felt that way, Collins added, “This is a structural problem. So it requires structural solutions. No individual solution is going to fix this. That’s the point I’m trying to drive home. We live in a culture where we highly value individualism, and we don’t think about the collective. Ever. For sociologists, our entire job is to think through how structure impacts our daily life. This research has showed me that we need a collective, structural solution.”

The collective solution Collins spoke about could, in part, come from a change in U.S. parental policy. But, according to the sociologist, that wouldn’t go far enough. What is required, according to Collins’ website, is “a deeper understanding of cultural beliefs about gender equality, employment, and motherhood.”

If that sounds like too much of a daunting task to the average American, it shouldn’t do. “If all these other wealthy Western industrialized nations have figured it out, why can’t we?” Collins asked Psychology Today. “Germany has 83 million people, and they figured out. There are a lot of smart people here and we can figure it out.”

Until things have changed, though, Collins wanted American moms to understand they are not to blame for their situation. “I want to tell mothers that this is not your fault,” she told Psychology Today. “When I tell mothers this they laugh and say, ‘Yeah, yeah’ but I ask them to look me in the eyes. Then I say, ‘This is not your fault.’ And then women start crying.”

Commenting on the visceral reaction her words of encouragement got from American moms, Collins told Psychology Today, “That’s powerful. It is powerful how much women have internalized the idea that if they just tried harder, it wouldn’t be this way. And I say, ‘No, this is not on you. You deserve better’ and that is brand new information for a lot of women to really hear that.”

With that in mind, Collins expressed her wish that her study would allow American moms to dare to dream. “My hope in the book is: ‘Look what it is like elsewhere, it can be different and better here, too,’” she told Psychology Today. “But it’s going to require finding a way around this very individualized way of understanding our lives in the U.S., we have to think of ourselves more collectively than we do right now.”

Soon after the interview with Collins appeared on the Psychology Today website, it went viral. And even Alison Escalante, the pediatrician and parenting advocate who wrote the article, found Collins’ words had resonated with her experience of motherhood. “By the end of our talk, I was tearing up as she talked. Suddenly I was a vulnerable mother being told it wasn’t my fault after all,” she wrote on her website.

And she wasn’t the only American mother who found herself relating to the findings of Collins’ study. On her website, Escalante revealed some of the comments her article had received since going live. And many of them were incredibly moving and gave an invaluable insight into what motherhood really looks like in the U.S.

According to Escalante’s website, one mom wrote, “Hitting a little close to home here. This has been a constant struggle, trying to balance it all and feeling like I am failing. Having a kid home sick for example… If I stay home with the sick child, I am not fulfilling obligations at work, but if I go to work while someone else (probably dad) stays home I am a bad mom.”

Meanwhile, another commenter wrote, “Love this! Moms these days have WAY too much on their plates, and it’s just not right. We are overworked, and were not designed to bear such a heavy load. Corporate America has turned women into robots, causing us to feel like we have to choose between our family and work… It has begun a vicious cycle of stress and has broken down the family unit.”

However, while the findings of Collins’ study did cause some moms to despair, one commenter refused to be ground down. “It sucks! It’s a double edged sword. So this is what you do,” she wrote. “Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are awesome! Then tell yourself that it IS OK TO ASK FOR HELP. It took me YEARS to figure it out.”

Revealing her own struggle, the commenter added, “Believe me, I’m so bummed (anxiety, depression) lately that I can’t move. I don’t have a smile. I lost myself. And all of my best friends don’t have kids. So they NEVER understand how hard it is. If you need a break message me and you can come over for coffee, wine, whatever. Remember, POWER IN NUMBERS!”