The 20 Craziest Things Drunk People Have Bought Online and Lived to Regret?

Image: via reddit/dddash

When’s the best time to shop on the internet? Black Friday? Maybe. But drunk Friday night after work? Definitely not. Unfortunately, these guys didn’t heed that advice. Take this super-useful grappling hook. Reddit user dddash didn’t even spend money – he just drunkenly added it to his Amazon wish-list one night and guess what? His mom gave it to him for Christmas! Maybe that’s how Batman started out.

Image: via imgur/Alabasterslim

Yep, that’s Nicholas Cage gleefully staring back at you from a pillow. Who on earth would settle down to a good night’s sleep nuzzling into that creepy face? Why, imgur user Alabasterslim, that’s who. And yes, you’ve guessed it, there was alcohol involved.

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Image: via imgur/GJonny

Well, imgur user GJonny, that’s up there with the strangest ebay purchases we’ve ever seen – a Saddam Hussein rug? When the parcel arrived it must have been a case of Shock and “Aw man, how drunk was I?” In the words of fellow imgur user NotoriousDuchess, “That’saddam silly purchase.’’

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Image: via reddit/frakkin

This fruity cat bed was purchased by inebriated reddit user frakkin who later tried to blame it on his traumatized pet, “My cat has [my credit card] memorized,’’ he wrote. “Last week he ordered what he claimed was ‘cat grass’ seeds.’’

Image: via imgur/dudfey

Why imgur user dudfey decided to share his mom’s drunk purchase with the world we will never know. Two things are certain though. One, she must be a Republican; and two, this is about as far removed from our idea of “presidential’’ toilet paper as you can get.

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Image: via imgur/cookiearthquake

OK, so no one buys a pug as a guard dog – they’re just not ferocious enough. But maybe if they looked more like dinosaurs… This could well have been the “thought” process circulating around the alcohol-addled mind of imgur user cookiearthquake while committing to this crazy purchase.

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Image: via reddit/dregs

While it was alive, this squirrel never could have imagined it would spend its afterlife stuffed and sat on top of a miniature horse. And reddit user dregs probably never imagined owning one either… before the alcohol took effect, that is. Nuts.

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Image: via imgur/JulieMartell

So the only people bulk-buying 1,000 communion wafers online are trying to save the church a few bucks right? Wrong. When reddit user JulieMartell made this drunken mistake there was only one thing for it – to use them as dippers for a jar of Nutella. Heavenly.

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Image: via imgur/Rottenmetalbastard

This was a very late drunken purchase for imgur user Rottenmetalbastard – 4am, to be exact. But who doesn’t want a shouty Gary Busey (of 1990s action movie fame) on the outside of their morning coffee cup? Um, that would be everybody.

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Image: via imgur

It’s so sad when your favorite chip flavor gets discontinued. Not so much for this not-so-sober shopper, who picked up 28 bags of Salsa Verde Doritos – for $43. The reasoning behind this drunken flutter: “I found them on ebay, and apparently I just couldn’t resist.”

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Image: via reddit/Trizzledizzle

This crazy drunken purchase cost reddit user Trizdizzle’s “friend’’ a cool $300. But, it turns out this isn’t a print. Some dude has actually painted this. Yep, this a real painting of a regal chimp examining a glass of wine. Top marks for inspiration.

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Image: via imgur/fenix679

OK, so the marshmallows you get in cereal are totally delicious, but could you eat eight pounds of them? Maybe it depends how drunk you are. However drunk that actually is, imgur user fenix679 got there.

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Image: via reddit/mercierj6

Some dudes just love their facial hair way too much. But instead of investing in some high-end beard wax, reddit user mercierj6 went a step too far. This is definitely one to blame on the beer.

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Image: via reddit

This reddit user can’t help themselves. Surely one novelty phone’s enough. But no, this hoard includes Krusty the Clown, a Coca Cola polar bear, Garfield, a French fry, a see-through phone and Bart Simpson. They must have been wasted. Maybe it was a call for help…

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Image: via reddit/Velore

So reddit user Verlore was definitely pretty drunk when ordering these. Buying 72 Chinese finger traps is bad enough, but a pocket knife to go with them? We will not be shaking hands with this person.

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Image: via Etsy

And here he is again. Come on Nick, you are literally everywhere, you living meme you. But one Buzzfeed Community member just couldn’t help herself when drunk-buying this horrible Mona Lisa/Cage iPhone case. Leonardo da Vinci would be so proud.

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Image: via reddit/Denimdenimdenim

Rub the lamp and a genie will grant you three wishes. Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to go, right? Let’s hope that’s what happened after reddit user Denimdenimdenim drunkenly invested in this gem. More likely, he just has one wish – that he’d never got drunk enough to buy this thing.

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Image: via reddit/PoopInTheBathtub

“This came in the mail today, reminding me to not ebay while drunk,’’ said reddit user PoopInTheBathtub. We entirely agree. This old SNES game, Barbarossa, never even made it to the U.S. There was probably a good reason for that.

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Image: via reddit/RobGronkowski

Poor guy. When reddit user RobGronkowski had his ebay account abused by his drunk girlfriend, this was the result. Look beyond the crazy cat on one side and it gets even weirder. The coin is a New Zealand Dollar… minted in Poland. Of course.

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Image: via reddit/grassy182

This is a classic drunk purchase, and it’s overwhelmingly kitsch… but is it bad that we kind of want one too? All the same, reddit user grassy182, who bought this unusual piece of Star Wars memorabilia, will probably be questioning their blurry-eyed decision. The drunk was strong in this one.

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