Image: via Dagospia
Image: via Dagospia
Garage sales are always a gamble. On the one hand, you might pick up a rare piece of vinyl or an undervalued artwork that’s worth far more than you paid for it. On the other, you might accidentally stumble across a nerve-shredding artifact of your nightmares incarnate.
Take this gruesome mug, for example. Drinking coffee from it would certainly wake you up in the morning – and keep you from ever falling back to sleep again.
“Death-Row Ken” can be bought alone or as part of a set with “Grieving Widow Barbie.” A lot of kids have tortured their toys over the years, but this is taking it to a whole new level.
Intense, green, three-eyed cactus baby for sale – only $10. No thanks, we’d rather keep the ten bucks and put it towards the therapy we now need.
Dolls are scary at the best of times, and this cross between Chucky and Freddy Krueger doesn’t even know the definition of “the best of times.” It seems someone redressed it after trying to use it for kindling. Creepy.
The tacky lion table is horrifying enough, but the extra care taken on the big cat’s, well, “underside” is what makes it super creepy. Let’s not even talk about the stack of condoms that may or may not have been included with the purchase.
Image: via Golden Moustache
This terrifying ventriloquist dummy with obvious self-esteem issues is selling for $150! That’s a lot of money for something that will inevitably stab you while you sleep.
A smug, bearded gnome has taken a little girl hostage and she’s trying to put on a brave face. You keep your violent gnome and we’ll keep our sanity, thank you very much.
Image: via Distractify
Was the idea to make this time-out chair so utterly terrifying that no one would want to sit in it? Perhaps this was to scare the kids into behaving themselves.
Image: via Monsterviral
For $20, we’re guessing this isn’t a Michelangelo original. Whoever painted it, though, obviously wanted to both offend every American and give them nightmares.
“What’s with the squirrel butt?”
“Oh, that? Sharon took the head in the divorce. I keep this half to remind me of her.”
We’re struggling to imagine any room that this lamp would look good in. If you think just the look of it is a little perverted, wait until you see how to turn it on.
Here’s another creepy doll to ruin your day. Those decayed, washed-out green eyes have seen things you can’t even imagine, and now they’re going to watch over you.
The painted eyelashes make this hollow-headed doll seem super-sinister. Her eyes are all-consuming voids and her face is steadily imploding. Fun, huh?
Image: via Rebrn
We know for a fact that this spine-chilling sailor is possessed by the tortured soul of his previous owner. If you stare at him long enough, he’ll slowly turn towards you and blink.
Image: via Almost in Bad Taste
Beware if you ever encounter this haggard horse. Legend has it that she comes alive at night to feed on human blood and tears. The last thing you’ll hear is the creak of rocking wood and a hauntingly quiet whinny.
This zombiefied doll has a pretty serious skin condition. Maybe she survived a house fire, or maybe she is wearing the skin of her victims. We think the latter.
Image: via Ranker
“We’ll pick you up” is already in use by another well-known car-rental company, so that ruled out the subtle approach here. A slightly less bloodthirsty company slogan might draw in a few more customers, though.
Just in case you were still wondering what to buy your mom this Christmas. Merry Christmas, Mom! Who loves ya, baby?
Why would anyone wear a tie with tiny cartoon condoms on it? Why would anyone make this tie in the first place? At least it would actually work as a good form of protection, because no one who wears this is getting lucky.
You’re getting a little too familiar there, Jesus. He appreciates your support, I’m sure, but you’ve got to respect some boundaries.