For many people in a monogamous relationship, three is most definitely a crowd. And that idea holds even more truth when the couple is married. This gay couple, however, felt that something was missing from their marriage. Then, after a bit of searching, they found the perfect addition to their relationship. It was a woman.
New Yorkers Chris, 38, and Matt Brandt, ten years his junior, started their relationship eight years ago. However, in 2015 Chris, who describes himself as bisexual, suggested to his partner that they pursue a more open relationship – because he wanted Matt to experience a sexual relationship with a woman for the first time.
Matt, who had previously always preferred men, wasn’t at all interested at first. But after a little persuasion, he decided to give the idea a try. And so Chris and Matt went on a search to find a willing participant – a woman open to the idea of forming a relationship with a gay couple.
For some people, it’s hard enough finding a monogamous heterosexual relationship. So finding a woman interested in sharing a man with another man sounds close to impossible. But this is New York, home of the States’ largest LGBTQ population, after all. And before long Chris found Cait via a dating app.
Cait Earnest, 28, had formerly been in a monogamous half-decade relationship before she met Chris. The two of them got along incredibly well and soon started to feel a strong attraction for one another. It was then up to Matt as to whether there was room in their relationship for Cait.
And it didn’t take long before Matt opened up to the idea. “The three of us started to spend more and more time together,” Chris subsequently told The Sun. “And after about seven or eight months, she was staying over five nights a week.”
The trio soon became inseparable, in fact. And the whole experience was enlightening for all involved. Prior to their “throuple” relationship, Matt had only ever experienced sexual relationships with men. Cait, meanwhile, who was also bisexual, had never previously experienced multiple partners.
“I had never been with two people at the same time before,” Cait told The Sun. “It’s different strokes for different folks, but I would say it’s a pretty fun sex life.” Three of them sharing a one-bedroom New York apartment, however, can get crowded, not least in bed.
“In regards to bed placing, it does complicate things,” Chris admitted. “Matthew and I used to sleep on opposite sides and then Cait came along. If I wanted to stay on the same side Cait, would have to be in the middle, and we found quickly she didn’t like that.”
The relationship grew more crowded when the green-eyed monster joined the threesome, however. “When we first got together, I was struggling with the jealousy,” Cait explained. “With having a very strong connection with Chris and feeling frustrated that I would have to split time with Matt.”
“With that came a lot of insecurity,” Cait continued. “I didn’t know where my place was in the relationship.” She would soon find out, though, when less than a year into the throuple’s relationship a big decision was made about their union.
Matt, who had initially been opposed to the idea of a three-way relationship, had a revelation. “I guess I had an awakening after I had a sexual experience with a woman,” he said. “It is just another body, another soul, a connection that I can have.”
Nonetheless, Matt did share Cait’s fears at the start of the three-way relationship. “It was a struggle even for me,” he admitted. “The insecure part of me was like, ‘Chris loves me more because he’s been with me longer.’ But then he told me, ‘I love you just as much as I love Cait.’ So I was like, ‘I need to come to terms with that.’”
But come to terms with it Matt did, to the point where he was able to realign his sexual identity. “I’m homoflexible,” he said. “So I like guys and I’m open – flexible – to women. [But] I prefer men.” And with everyone now more comfortable with their ménage à trois, they took a step forward.
With nine months having passed since they began their unusual relationship, Matt and Chris got married. But rather than leaving Cait out in the cold, they wanted her to be part of it. “Cait officiated the wedding,” Matt explained. “We wanted to make her the most involved as she possibly could be.”
Though they’ve had obstacles to overcome in the past, together as a threesome they’ve reached a place where they seemingly all fit happily in their relationship. And one thing is for certain – no one is ever lacking in attention, especially when it comes to holidays and special occasions.
In fact, Matt claims that one of the greatest benefits of being in a three-way relationship is the presents. “One of the best things about being in a throuple is that you get more gifts,” he said. “Holidays, birthdays, we like to celebrate everything!”
It’s an unusual set up, for sure. And one that’s probably not encountered every day, even in the bars of New York. So how do people react? “When we meet somebody at a bar, I will usually say, ‘Hi, I’m Cait, and these are my two boyfriends,’” Cait said. “People often ask if I’m joking.”
It also seems that some of their family members have been supportive of the relationship. Matt’s grandfather, for instance, fully accepts the threesome’s arrangement. Indeed, he often asks when either Matt or Chris will make him a great-grandfather by getting Cait pregnant.
Speaking of kids, it’s the natural next step in any loving relationship. And now the throuple have lived together for two years, it’s an idea that they are considering for their future. “As far as kids, I think any child would be lucky to have three parents,” Matt said. “But we have two dogs for now and that’s enough.”