When A Woman Discovered Her Husband Was Cheating, She Sent His Mistress A Thank You Letter

A woman in Port Orchard, Washington, had just discovered something heartbreaking – her husband was having an affair. But rather than weeping about his indiscretions, the wife and mother did something rather unusual. In fact, she sent a thank you letter to his mistress.

As the mom-of-two wrote in a message posted to Craigslist, she had discovered marks that had clearly been left by teeth on her husband’s chest. This led her to realize that the father of her children was cheating on her. And she called the other woman “Jennifer” in her open letter.

The scorned wife titled the message, “THANKS Jennifer.” And believe it or not, this was representative of the rest of her letter, dripping with her snarky gratitude. “No, really, thank you! You have no idea what a nightmare you have just saved me and my kids from,” she began.

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“To reward you for your services, I am offering you my husband for keeps,” the Port Orchard woman wrote. But Jennifer’s deal would come with some stipulations. “Should you accept your prize, please note the following rules,” she added.

Rule number one had to do with the future couple’s assets. The scorned wife wrote, “You are going to have to financially support him. I say this because we have two children […] which means that he will have to give up a sizable chunk of his pay to support them.”

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According to the mom-of-two, she would receive such a large sum because of the lifestyle her husband had created for her. “Please keep in mind that, since he has kept me a stay-at-home mom for the better part of the last 11 years, he will also be paying me alimony,” she wrote.

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The second rule for taking her husband? “You will have to provide him with new attire,” the Port Orchard woman went on. She had an explanation for his lack of wardrobe, too, and it had to do with the discovery of his affair.

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“You see, after he stepped out from our – now [my] – shower this morning […] I discovered your little ‘love bites.’ It just so happened that, at that EXACT moment, a giant black hole appeared in my home and devoured almost all of his clothing,” the mom-of-two explained.

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Because the Port Orchard woman’s soon-to-be-ex-husband’s wardrobe had “disappeared,” she said he would arrive at his mistress’s place “almost naked.” But, “the bright side is that you can dress him any way you want,” she wrote.

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Rule number three had to do the cheater’s role as a father. “You will have to give him up every other weekend,” the full-time mom wrote. She then explained how her estranged husband insisted that Jennifer wasn’t someone for whom he cared deeply, but rather an unintelligent person who drank a lot.

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Indeed, if their relationship went anywhere, Jennifer would have to “give […] up” her man every other weekend. This is because she’d be “banned” from spending time with his children. The Port Orchard woman added, “Just so you know, that is also going to be the reason to have his visits limited (if not supervised).”

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Then came rule number four, which covered the cheating man’s physical inefficiencies, as perceived by his soon-to-be-ex-wife. She wrote that he had “nerve damage,” which, it would seem, prevented him from performing like he used to in the bedroom. “Stock up on batteries and/or multiple […] partners,” the poster advised Jennifer.

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The next stipulation, then, covered the betrayed woman’s take-back policy. “You will NOT return him to me,” she wrote to Jennifer. “I will NOT have him. I was a good wife to him and he had a good thing going on here,” she went on.

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Then, there was rule number six, in which the Port Orchard woman predicted, “He will blame you for all of this.” Indeed, she said that her ex-husband already had – but this admission didn’t sway his former wife. “I don’t really care,” she wrote.

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The final rule was the seventh one, but the woman behind the keyboard said it, “wasn’t a rule, more like a friendly warning.” She went on to say she’d make it her mission to waste as much of her ex’s time as possible to spite the new couple.

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“Please be aware that he will take it,” she wrote of her ex-husband’s inability to snap her petty streak. “I was with him for 12 years and I know him better. Yes, I do feel completely justified in my actions,” she added.

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And with that, the mother-of-two ended her open letter – and set of rules for being with her ex-husband – to his mistress. To close, she once again thanked the other woman, Jennifer, for making it clear he was having an affair.

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“Thank you, Jennifer, […] who left bite marks on my husband’s chest last night, for showing me that 11 years and two children were no match for you! I applaud you on a man well won. He’s all yours,” the Port Orchard woman then concluded.

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It’s unclear what since happened with the woman who wrote the letter, her husband and his mistress. The Craigslist letter was posted anonymously in November of 2006, and no further investigation into the players’ identities or futures has been done.

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But the website users did enjoy the message enough to place it into a very special section of the Craigslist website. Indeed, The Best of Craigslist compiles reader-selected posts that range from funny to touching to too shocking to believe. However, it looks as though we’ll never find out if Jennifer played by the rules…

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