Global warming, the potentially catastrophic rise in temperature that’s skyrocketed over the last 20 years, threatening to raise sea levels and disrupt weather patterns, is a hoax. Just Kidding!
Image from Juampe Lopez on Flickr
A group of politicians and scientists assembled today in Nashville, Tennessee, for a press conference to, as they put it, “let it be known how got played.” “Yeah, you guys got rodgered, but good,” said Al Gore, fomer Vice President of the United States, who assumed leadership over the cabal in 2000 as a manner of revenge against George W. Bush.
Gore, who just yesterday announced a $300 Million advocacy campaign to raise awareness against the fabricated emergency, says he now plans to spend the money on a Las Vegas trip for “me and the posse. You know, T-bone, ‘Lil Ricky, Fly High, and G-Lo. We gonna make it rain, y’all.”
Gore continued: “I was in really bad shape after that 2000 election. You guys saw me– I got fat, I had that beard. But once my boy Doc Spencer gave me a call, and told me I could get all a’y’all back– well, ok, it might not have been fair to the people that voted for me. But I didn’t exactly see riots in the streets, you know?”
The environmental movement, which would most likely be understood to be ecstatic after finding out that what they had believed to be the seminal issue of our time was imagined by three drunk graduate students during a football game between the Universities of Florida and Georgia, has instead become openly hostile. “We used to be able to go on with science, and make fun of people with hummers and big houses because they were hurting the planet,” said Aidan Foster, a member of Earth First. “Now we have come clean: we just don’t like them because they’re rich. And we’re poor! And dirty!” Mr. Foster, who smelled strongly of marijuana, left in a hurry when offered the chance by a man in a Sierra Club t-shirt to spray paint their names on the lawn of his house.
In other news, today is apparently Energy Wasting Day: