Two Stores Started A Sign War, And It Was Just Too Perfect

It all kicked off when a guy at Bridge Kaldro Music in Christiansburg, Virginia, suggested to owner Ed Bridge that they start a sign war. His boss, unsurprisingly, had no idea what this was. But when his employee brought him up to speed, he liked the sound of it!

Bridge then began strategizing his opening move. His first message, which was later published on Facebook, read, “Hey Super Shoes, want to start a sign war?” It wasn’t the most imaginative note, but Bridge was just testing the waters. He didn’t know whether the shoe store across the street would be up for the show-down. But oh it was...

Imagine Bridge’s joy when Super Shoes did decide to join him in glorious battle. Its response, “Hey Bridge Kaldro! Our shoe 8trings are stronger than your guitar string” was pretty darn funny. Even the fact that the store ran out of the letter “S” somehow came across as charming. 

The stage was now set. Both sides had made their intentions clear. Battle lines had been drawn. The war was upon them. Bridge Kaldro fired back with, “Your shoestrings never got anyone a date,” which, we think you’ll agree, was a hilarious counter punch.

“Keep your play dates, we specialize in solemates,” Super Shoes wrote on another sign. At this point, it became obvious that the shoe emporium had someone on its team who specialized in puns. That’s truly an essential talent for any squad engaging in a sign war. “Solemates.” Magnificent.

What happened next changed everything, though. Bridge Kaldro decided to widen the scope of the sign war; it wanted to fight on multiple fronts! Beginning with a delicious pun of its own, this new sign said, “What a ‘croc.’” Then the challenge was made to another business.

“[I don’t know] what stinks worse, your shoes or Kabuki’s sign,” was the shot heard around Christiansburg. Local Japanese restaurant Kabuki had been served. Would it respond or stay neutral? Thankfully, the restaurant joined in with, “You got to B-sharp to make good shoe-shi and we won’t string you along.”

The pun game from Kabuki on this sign signaled things had just jumped up several notches. Bridge Kaldro and Super Shoes were tangling with a professional here. Three puns in one sign? Oh, and their next few signs were pretty great, too.

Soon, more businesses then threw their hats in the ring. The Christiansburg Pharmacy’s first sign read, “Music, shoes and food are fine. But your health is on our mind.” While the effort was appreciated, it did feel slightly akin to an out-of-touch parent trying to get down with the cool kids. Cringe.

“Shoes, strings, sushi? Your girl will leave if the IRS is after you,” came next from Hunt & Associate, LLC. Yes, even the accountants were getting in on the act! To be fair, we never would’ve credited number crunchers with a sense of humor, so color us pleasantly surprised. 

A local gas station then popped up with, “We will fuel the sign warz.” Its use of “Z” instead of an “S” was brilliantly ’90s. The Hampton Inn’s contribution, “Songs, shoes and sushi r worth the fuss, but at the end of the day they sleep with us!” was stellar, too.

For our money, though, Lawson Mobile Home Supply scored the biggest victory with its contribution. It read, “A musician, shoe salesman, pharmacist and barber walk into Kabuki. Bartender says, ‘This could be a sign.’” Someone get these people a 10-minute set at the improv!

By this point, most businesses in the area were involved. Things got crazy, you guys. We think Super Shoes summed it up best with, “Boy… that escalated quickly.” In our oh-so-humble opinion, any store that references the Anchorman news team battle is run by people with excellent taste in absurd nonsense. 

Clearly, everyone involved in the Christiansburg sign war was having a whale of a time. But then something incredible happened: the world took notice! A Facebook group was set up to keep track of all the signs, and tens of thousands from across the globe began to follow the silliness.

The sign war had clearly become a phenomenon. The man who started it all was interviewed by WSLS 10 News in April 2021 and showed great humility. Bridge said, “I’m just so humbled because this is bigger than my little music store.” Aww.

At the core of it, Bridge was happy as a clam that international attention had been drawn to all the businesses in Christiansburg. He said, “If we can put this whole area a little bit more on the map for people coming to visit, why not?”

Now, in general, conflicts are usually a terrible drain on the economy. But not this one! The Christiansburg sign war actually caused profits to shoot through the roof for many local outlets. According to Bored Panda, Kabuki owner Yoshi Koeda said, “It’s amazing free advertisement for us all.”

Claytor Wear – a clothing website – even figured out a way to harness the hoopla surrounding the sign war to help a local charity. What did the company actually do? Well, it sold stickers and shirts for Literacy Volunteers of the New River Valley – bringing in much needed funds.

The site’s owner Jonathan Friend felt the sign war was a perfect example of how people can still come together in tough times. According to Bored Panda, he said, “I think the signs are just really an homage we are really all in this together. So, it’s been really uplifting to see all the businesses support each other.”

Overall, the Christiansburg sign war didn’t just do a lot of good for the local community and businesses there, it also charmed the world, proving that local signage carries more power than you'd expect. Whether their message is a playful war, a big old confusion, or a complete spelling fail, local signs get a lot of attention, and for good reason.

It looks like this sign may be warning travelers away from someone's remote private property. If that's the case, it sounds like this home-owner doesn't delight in any unexpected visitors but, hey, at least we know they have good taste in cute and funny signs!

That's true, "congratulations" is a tricky word to spell. Either this sign writer needs to go back to middle school themselves, or they've intentionally made the most hilarious misspelling ever. Congrajlashins, big guy!

This sign says it all! We are all aware of the downsides of COVID, but perhaps it's worth looking at the positives. Your annoying boss? At least you don't have to see them in person anymore. Your aunt who always makes you eat her special dish of hot dogs and spaghetti? Well, looks like she'll have plenty of leftovers.

This has changed how we see police dogs entirely. Good thing that on-duty canines never patrol the dog park we go to because we would definitely get pulled over and ticketed for speeding, hogging all the toys, and major bark violations!

This might be photoshopped, but what if we actually combined public safety and humor? Not many people pay attention to commonplace roadsigns, this could be a way of grabbing their attention, giving them a chuckle, and making the roads safer. As long as the jokes aren't too funny!

Of course, thousands of men don't die from literal stubbornness per year, but we sure believe that it was a man who spray-painted this "correction." It makes this sign all the more eye-catching, raising awareness of regular medical testing while incorporating that message into a light-hearted self-referential joke.

This is one of those signs that we have mixed feelings about. As far as we're concerned, we really don't care if the toilet paper has a beard or a mullet, so long as it is being used! As an actual hairstyle though, we're going to go with mullet all the way. Business in the front, and party in the back!

This truck is friendlier than a lot of people we know! Whether the sign is implying that the reader is close to their destination in travel, life, work, or school, we're sure anyone reading this appreciates the extra encouragement (just as long as they don't rear-end the truck). Let's keep up the encouragements. Up next: cars with free candy dispensers!

All of us probably know someone who could benefit from having this sign posted wherever they go. People who speak in tangents can be entertaining, but they sure do hate staying on topic! Anyways, now I'm wondering what's for dinner tonight...

Look, we know what the intentions for this sign were, but we wonder if this person takes their own advice! This sign is so poorly made it makes some of life's easiest rules mind-numbingly hard to read. On the other hand, maybe we agree with "Don't Do Vegetables."

This translation is hard to wrap our minds around. We've got the "pay attention to safety" part down. What confuses us most is "helped jailed." It would be a little worrying to be in a place with this sign. We hope we don't have to help jail anyone who isn't standing firmly enough.

As far as we're concerned, COVID social distancing guidelines have always existed between us and ALL of these potentially dangerous animals. No one denies that bears can be cute in pictures, but we're not sure if that's the case when they're truly six feet away. And we don't want to find out!

Looks like this bookstore owner has found a funny way to mention the chaotic state of the world right now. It's amazing to see businesses take these troubles in stride, and hey, this clever sign might even boost post-apocalyptic book sales. But for those of us in need of an escape, we're heading to the fantasy section.

Oh, how marvelous it would be to work at a bar with this sassy sign? Didn't like your drink? The soup is too hot? Steak undercooked? Read the sign. Perhaps this is good advice for other aspects of life as well. Maybe if we all just lower our standards a bit, the world would be a happier place.

These people really meant it when they said they were sick, and they really meant that in more ways than one. No customer will be setting foot inside until that sign comes down! Either it's an audacious sense of humor about a staff outbreak or just actual mental illness!

Need a self-confidence boost? A new mantra by which to live your life? Look no further than this suggestive sign which demands you never settle for being stored in a plastic sack and getting placed in a container. This is the self-help we needed today.

Vandalism is bad, but if you're going to mess up someone's property, you might as well make it funny. Here's some graffiti for you, with a heaping side of irony. Before you know it, this little list ties itself up nicely. Maybe we're being overly generous art critics, but kind of clever, isn't it?

This sign shows us that not much actually changes when we grow up. Be it preschool or old age, there will always be moments in your life when you lose control of your bowels. Hey, at least there's a way to be humble about it — just be honest. No shame!

A velociraptor-free workplace? What is this, Jurassic Park? We're sure this must be an office joke or something, but without working there ourselves, it makes no sense. We're choosing to believe that "velociraptor" is the name of an employee's dog instead of thinking that some of the scariest dinosaurs have been reanimated and are raiding the copy room.

Finally, here's something we bet all religions can agree on. Humans all over the world need their morning dose of caffeine before all those daily annoyances begin to occur. We hope another line from this chapter reads, "Who doth protest the ultimate power of Netflix & Chill paired with ice cream?"