Unusual Wild West Etiquette Tips That People Wouldn’t Ever Allow Today

The so-called Code of the West was an unwritten set of guidelines for good cowboy behavior. But it’s not all gold. Take this one, for example: “After you pass someone on the trail, don’t look back at him.” Today, the Illinois State Bar Association states that it’s important to be “aware of your surroundings” if you want to keep your loved ones safe. So pay attention!

“A cowboy doesn’t talk much; he saves his breath for breathing.” Tell us you don’t think of Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name after reading this etiquette tip? Yet while it might speak to a certain kind of cowboy, it definitely isn’t appropriate for the 21st century. The tip now reads like a perfect example of toxic masculinity.

You won’t catch a cowboy complaining about, well, anything. It’s part of the unwritten code! Apparently, it’s because “complaining is what quitters do, and cowboys hate quitters.” Yet a study in 2015 found that people who complain and search for a solution are generally happier than those who don’t. So quit whining about whining, cowpokes!

In the Wild West — and throughout history — bravery has been celebrated and cowardice has been damned. After all, who doesn’t want to be the hero? But maybe things aren’t as black-and-white as they once were. Dismissing someone’s inaction or hesitation as cowardly could even be dangerous, as cooler heads can sometimes prevail.

There’s a scene in Walter Hill’s Wild Bill in which Bill Hickok — played by Jeff Bridges — kills four dudes for touching his hat. Now, call us crazy, but that would probably be deemed a bit of an overreaction these days. We can’t imagine a judge letting a guy escape a murder charge because the victim tried on his hat.

The Code of the West advises: “Anyone who wanders in, including an enemy, is welcome at the dinner table.” That’s a pretty nice sentiment, but some might say it’s also asking for trouble. Every kid knows that while every stranger isn’t necessarily a creeper, it’s still a good idea to keep your wits about you. We certainly won’t be inviting an enemy to dinner anytime soon.

We often associate the Old West with gunslinging action, so it’s not surprising that the Code offers some fighting tips. But while it’s very honorable to “give your enemy a fighting chance,” it doesn’t tally with modern-day military tactics. These days, the rule of thumb is to defeat your enemy as fast and effectively as possible.

The cowboy considers it bad form to shoot an “unarmed or unwarned enemy.” But this code is just not a good way to win a fight during wartime. As the retired Lieutenant-General H.R. McMaster has put it, “If it takes a toothpick, use a baseball bat.” The polite soldier is probably in the wrong business.

The Code of the West suggests that it’s okay to shoot another cowboy — but not a woman. And while that’s perhaps an admirable sentiment, it wouldn’t fly in a combat situation. The U.S. military is made up of 16 percent women, after all. Its enemies would be getting themselves into a jam if they adopted a “no women” rule during wartime.

Some would argue we live in an age of cancel culture today. That often means judging someone for actions they’ve taken in the past. But if we were all cowboys in the 19th century, this likely wouldn’t be the case. The Code of the West dictates: “Don’t inquire into a person’s past. Take the measure of a man for what he is today.”

Don’t slouch. Sit up straight. We’ve all heard these Victorian etiquette tips before, right? You’ve probably also been told this will help prevent back pain. But it turns out that people have been slouching for a lot longer than they’ve been sitting “properly.” And you know what else? There’s actually no such thing as perfect posture.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Wild West were taught to only call people by their last names in public. The idea was that it was maybe a bit too intimate to use someone’s first name in front of others. But this is one etiquette tip that’s fallen by the wayside. Heck, even baristas use our first names now.

We’d wager that there are still a fair few folks who get to their feet whenever a woman enters the room. But let’s face facts: it doesn’t happen all that often these days. And maybe that’s for the best? After all, what woman wants a standing ovation whenever she returns from the bathroom?

A woman in the Old West would’ve been aghast to lift their skirts any higher than was necessary to climb the stairs. But that attitude has long since disappeared. Skirt lengths shot up to above the knee in the 1950s — and the famous miniskirt took it even further in the 1960s.

A lady doesn’t cross her legs, according to the etiquette rules of the American Frontier. The only exception would be crossing their legs at the ankles for a little extra comfort. But we can’t imagine anybody calling a woman out for crossing their legs now. It’s only when Sharon Stone does it that eyebrows are raised.

When partaking of the chuckwagon, cowboys were encouraged to eat with their fingers because “the food is clean.” And sure, we still eat plenty of things with our fingers these days. Only a mad man would eat a pizza with a knife and fork! But we have 2020 to thank for reassuring us that only clean hands should be used with food.

The ladies of the American Frontier would often be found wearing bonnets or headgear of some kind. This was likely to protect their faces from catching the sun and darkening their skin. Apparently, getting a tan was a big no-no in Victorian etiquette. But 150 years later, there’s an entire industry dedicated to making sure we all look bronzed!

When you think about life in the Wild West, it seems ridiculous that a woman would likely have ridden sidesaddle in her heavy house skirts. But that’s exactly what used to happen! That’s all best left in the past, though. These days women can do anything men can — including riding astride a horse.

Walter R. Houghton proclaimed in his 1883 guide American Etiquette and Rules of Politeness that one should “be free from tattling.” And while not spreading gossip is very commendable, it’s not how the world works now. We have entire TV series based around the idea of gossip, for crying out loud! Not to mention a certain strand of celebrity “journalism.”

Here’s another zinger from Houghton: “The practice of women kissing each other in public is decidedly vulgar.” Attitudes have obviously changed a lot since the Wild West days. And although we’ve still got a ways to go, we should think girlfriends greeting one another with a peck on the cheek is very much a-okay.

One of the mainstays of the Code of the West was that people should “never order anything weaker than whiskey.” Hmm. This seems a little suspect. It’s hard to imagine anybody insisting that you drink heavily in this day and age. But if you had a taste for hard liquor, then you were in luck.

The age-old advice from Oscar Wilde tells us to enjoy “everything in moderation.” But in the Code of the West, you’ve apparently no choice but to “fill your whiskey glass to the brim.” No single shots for the hard-drinking, cowboys! That’s not something the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention encourages, though. Its latest guidelines are more in line with Wilde.

Our friend Houghton warns against using phrases such as “the Dickens” or “good gracious.” That’s because they “border closely on profanity.” So Lord only knows what the etiquette guide would think if he ever dropped in on a 21st-century conversation. These days, swearing is so commonplace that it barely raises an eyebrow.

Back in Victorian times, it seems that making eye contact with someone was frowned upon. “Avoid looking full into the faces of strangers whom you meet,” Houghton advised in his 1883 etiquette guide. Yet these days we recognize that eye contact is a powerful way to communicate with others — depending on the circumstances, of course.

A man of the Wild West could go on a horse-riding date with a lady friend — but only if he picked out a horse he thought she could handle. That may not sound so bad at first, but… Would this cowboy have actually asked his date what she wanted or what she could manage? Show a bit of respect, dude!

Houghton claimed that if a woman in the Old West agrees to a date at a particular time, they “should be ready exactly at that moment.” Don’t leave a man waiting, ladies! In all fairness, though, Houghton did state that it’s not “dignified to keep anyone waiting.” But we know how busy people are in the 21st century, so there’s probably a bit more leeway now.

Wanna know how to set people at ease in the Wild West? Just make sure you drink your whiskey with the hand you shoot your gun with. The Code of the West tells us this is the best way to “show your friendly intentions.” We’d like to think that could be achieved better these days by just, you know, smiling and being nice.

It seems waking a man up by shaking him or touching him was a good way to get yourself shot in the Wild West. But we hopefully live in a (slightly) more civilized society now, so this shouldn’t be so much of a problem. Seriously: if you know someone who sleeps with a loaded gun, you might want to remind them of modern gun-safety guidelines.

Men needed to do the riding and fighting and shooting. But women should’ve done skating and tennis and croquet. Those were the rules of the Old West, according to Houghton, and they’re clearly out of date now. Yet Houghton’s advice that “open-air exercise is essential to good health” is still on the money.

We’re guessing mental health wasn’t so much of a concern on the American Frontier. Why else would an etiquette guide suggest suppressing every emotion from sadness to laughter? Things have moved on a bit these days, fortunately. But just in case: discuss your inner feelings if you want to remain in tiptop mental shape!

According to Houghton, moles are “generally a great disfigurement to the face and should be removed.” He even suggested a terrifying-sounding DIY removal method to get rid of them. That seems a bit extreme! Sure, get a mole removed if you like. But most of them are harmless and perfectly natural.

It would apparently have been uncouth for a Frontier woman to present a guy with a “manly” gift. Instead, Houghton advised, gifts made by a lady should be “some dainty product” of “a delicate nature.” So we’re guessing that Country Living’s recent suggestion of making “rope hanging shelves” for your boyfriend would not have gone down well.

Houghton included a recipe for getting rid of gray hair in his 19th-century etiquette guide. But here in the 21st century, stylists go viral for encouraging people to embrace the gray look. Hell, we’ve even seen celebrities purposefully going gray because it looks cool. So gray is in, and changing your appearance for etiquette reasons is out.

In 1847 William Taylor & Co. published The Code of Honor — an essential guide to dueling etiquette. One of the most interesting parts is that you can’t just say you’re sorry after being challenged to a duel. Why? Well, because that would be cowardly… But we’d like to think many things could be figured out with a simple chat. Right?

Here’s a thought: would modern sporting events be the same without a spot of good-natured trash-talking? We wouldn’t have all those great Muhammad Ali quotes for a start! There’s even been a study that proved how effective the strategy is. Yet for the Wild West duel, trash-talking was a big no-no.

Wells Fargo gave its stagecoach customers a list of rules to make their journeys more enjoyable. One of these tips included the idea that if you just had to have a drink, you also had to “share the bottle.” But if the disaster that was 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that sharing drinks — particularly with strangers — is not a very good idea.

The Wild West stagecoach was no place for cuss words if women or children were present. That’s another attitude that wouldn’t wash these days — at least where women are concerned. While men have been getting away with foul language for centuries, ladies are finally owning the power of a well-placed piece of profanity, too.

This etiquette tip seems like a particularly hard one to follow. Wells Fargo advised its stage passengers to not snore if they happened to fall asleep. As if snoring was something that the sleeper had some kind of control over. People these days might appreciate that there are any number of conditions that could cause it.

Wells Fargo allowed its stagecoach passengers to carry firearms in case of emergencies. That might have been acceptable in the Old West — we’ve all heard stories about highway robbers — but it’s very suspect in the 21st century. In fact, carrying a fireman on public transport might just be a good way to get yourself in serious trouble.

If a guy on a Wells Fargo stage showcased unchivalrous behavior, they could have found themselves walking home. Would this happen today? Well, people are a bit more on the fence about it. There’s one school of thought that chivalry is basically sexist, and another that still thinks it’s a positive attitude. What do you reckon?