20 Darkly Funny Gravestone Epitaphs That’ll Make You Die Laughing

The legendary comic troupe Monty Python once sang, “Always look on the bright side of death.” Admittedly, that was before age challenged them to stick to their mantra. But this is the internet, and here we like to find the funnies among the sad stone markers of mortality. The following pictures show that, whether you’re taken too early or at the end of a good innings, death shouldn’t destroy your sense of humor. If we can’t laugh at mortality then what can we laugh at? Funny things that don’t involve crippling sadness, you say? Well, that would be too easy.

Presumably being a bit of a smart-ass was the reason George W. Jr. lost touch with two generations of his family. But if you knew it was going to happen, George, why didn’t you try and stop it?

This modern-day Bonnie and Clyde robbed from the rich but gave to themselves. Hey – if you can’t die rich and happy, die happily in debt.

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Mel Blanc was an actor and comedian best known for voicing Bugs Bunny, Yosemite Sam and a slew of our favorite Warner Brothers characters. So after his death in 1989, he was hilariously and heart-wrenchingly immortalized by Porky Pig’s famous cartoon closing line, “That’s all folks!”

Robert Clay Allison was an infamous gunslinger who was rumored to have had run-ins with Wyatt Earp. It wasn’t a bullet that finally finished him off, though; Allison broke his neck after falling from a wagon. This epitaph was added to his grave, however, to cement his place as one of the baddest and best in the West.

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In a tragic twist of fate, Ellen Shannon, a housewife from Ireland, was killed when a lamp filled with “non-explosive fluid” exploded. Her family used her burial as an opportunity to name and shame R.E. Danforth’s – the company apparently responsible for Ellen’s fiery demise. As far as we know, no one was fired over the false advertising. Unless you count Ellen, of course.

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Dad jokes sometimes outlast dads, and this is a surefire way to keep them going forever. Legendary comedian Spike Milligan cracked the very same final joke – written in Gaelic – from beyond the grave after he died in 2002.

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You undertakers can’t deny that when a priest walks in with an itty-bitty vase and there’s a eulogy followed by a wake, YOU GET… cremated. We like you, Steven James Hayworth Junior. We like you a lot.

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Veteran Lester C. Madden was such a huge fan of the movie Jaws that he requested this shark tombstone for his grave before he died in 1983. The creepy thing is that visitors have reported a faint “da-dum” sound coming from inside the grave. Well, not really – but wouldn’t that be cool?

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This reminds us of those times we’ve fallen asleep on a nice, warm, comfy bus and the driver wakes us up at the final destination. If you must insist on drinking, guys, just get an Uber.

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Either this guy has a smug looking corpse or he’s struggling against a tide of hellfire and brimstone right now. Either way, we bet the wake went off with a big bang.

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This can’t just be a mistake, surely. And if it is, it’s a big one, am I right?

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If only the connection was a little stronger, R. Anderson might never have been hit by that stray frag grenade while repeatedly running into a wall. Hopefully the funeral had a much better service.

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Poor, poor Pancrazio Juvenales – perhaps he should have sold train tickets instead of pursuing electrics. He was a great conductor, you see… Yes, that was shocking, we know.

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When Maxine Menster of Iowa died, her family wanted to immortalize her memory by celebrating her kind and generous nature. Their idea? To mark the grave with a recipe for “Mom’s Christmas Cookies” – a touching celebration of their mother’s love. Who said graveyards can’t be educational? Seriously, who said that? Because we’ve never heard it before.

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It might not have ended well for Kelly the Fiddler, but he sounds like he knew how to party. We hope he got the nickname from his proficiency with string instruments and not from being a bit “handsy.”

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We sense that Mitchell never really looked on the bright side of life, and at least in death he was consistent. Or perhaps these were Mitchell’s last words before an unfortunate mishap at the vacuum packing factory.

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You win some, you lose some. Unfortunately, though, this isn’t a deal you can back out of. You made the down payment and signed the contract – now you’re in it until the day you… oh.

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Well said, Esther – anything has to be better than pushing up the daisies. Look on the bright side, though, you’re in A. Freer place now.

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Merv Griffin was a media magnate who was perhaps most famous for his talk show The Merv Griffin Show, in which his customary sign off before each ad-break was “I’ll be right back after these messages.” Even in death this boundless entertainer managed to put a smile on a melancholy situation.

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We’re all hoping for something, though. I was hoping for a yacht in the Pacific, after all, but here we are. Sometimes, life sphinx.

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