20 Witty Tweets by Guys That Totally Nail What it’s Like to Be a Parent

Parenting is a tricky business – after all, kids say (and do) the darnedest things. And while being a mom is obviously difficult, dads often don’t have it any easier. Thankfully, some people just have the whole fatherhood thing down to a tee. Take this guy, for instance, who has the perfect plan for emotionally scarring his children for life. Well, they say the best way to get over a phobia is to confront it head-on…

Of all the seemingly impossible tasks a parent faces throughout their child’s life, there are few as torturously taxing as installing a baby car seat. Let’s just take the bus…

Kids’ birthday parties are the pits. It’s the middle of the day, there’s not a drop of liquor in sight, and the only music you’ve heard for the past hour and a half is “Let It Go” on endless repeat.

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As a dad, it’s important not to have favorites. Or rather, it’s important not to let them know that you have a favorite. Just keep it to yourself, their mom and your thousands of Twitter followers.

Let’s be honest: you couldn’t give them the answers if you wanted to. Does anyone really remember how to do quadratic equations? Or how to identify a subjunctive clause? Just tell them to go ask mom.

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If you haven’t been blessed with the joy of parenthood yet, you might not be aware that the lifespan of any destructible object is severely limited by the presence of children. In fact, it’s pretty much zero.

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Some people say that parents take kids’ sports too seriously. Those people have obviously never known the pain of watching their child score a winning point at the stroke of the full-time whistle, only to have it overturned by a zealous referee. The lucky devils.

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Babies are a great litmus test for the cleanliness of your home. Mom might not be so pleased when her newborn son or daughter isn’t kept in optimum condition, but that’s what she gets for leaving them with dad for the day.

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Alone time is absolutely sacred when kids come along. And when you finally get a moment to yourself to sit down with the latest Call of Duty, the last thing you want is a three-year-old poking around asking stupid questions.

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Instilling the fear of God (or Santa) into your children is an important ritual of fatherhood. Lessons like this one are a great way of keeping them in line, though we’re not sure we agree with it being particularly “cute.”

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Brevity isn’t a skill most children possess, unfortunately. You’re just going to have to sit and listen to all four hours of the tale of the snail who got lost in the garden. You can always pretend you’re watching Cleopatra, or something.

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If you can’t use your kids as a source of endless comedy, then what’s the point of having them at all? Indeed, we’d all be a lot worse off without classic dad jokes like this.

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That’s some solid dadvice there. What? That’s definitely a word. Anyway, how low down the wall are these light switches for the kid to be able to reach them, yet still be young enough to enjoy playing with them endlessly?

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Remember what we said about instilling the fear of God into your kids? Well, there’s more than one way of going about it. This is absolute genius.

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People say kids are getting more violent. We say they’re just getting more imaginative. Come on, don’t act like you don’t want to know which one the Death Star is.

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Kids can be so demanding. And these days, there are a million different things competing for your attention. Obviously, a small smartphone screen is going to win out over your living, breathing child. Why fight it?

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Well, until she’s 18, you sort of are. Heck, you probably are for the rest of her life. But the important part is, you really won’t mind.

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Parents will do anything for their kids, within reason. Just because Ryan Reynolds is a high-profile celebrity, doesn’t mean he’s not a doting dad. However, it also doesn’t mean he’s as invulnerable as Deadpool.

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So many good names are ruined simply by virtue of being attached to people you don’t like. It almost makes you fearful of meeting new people, in case your favorite name suddenly becomes unusable.

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It’s surprising how popular Star Wars’ Kylo Ren is among kids considering his patricidal attitude. It’s probably just his cool mask and lightsaber, though – we don’t think dads need to be too worried… for now, anyway.

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