People Took To The Internet To Share Their Wildest “Not The Father” Stories

"She was 16, I was 15. All along I was under the impression that this kid was mine, and [it was] time to be an adult... I finally get the call she is in labor, so I have somebody rush me to the ER. Luckily for her, it wasn't a long labor, only about six hours...

The next evening, Baby is back in the room with us, and all seems well. The ex is asleep, and the same nurse from the night before comes into the room and beckons me out. She states that at risk of her losing her job, she has to break some harsh news to me: that kid is not mine...

Queue a mixed bag of emotions, and me promptly waking the ex to get a little clarification. Come to find out, she knew the chances and was just hoping it was mine because it worked better for her... One DNA test and about six weeks later, I am 0.0% of that kid's father.

Where ever that nurse is now, I hope your life is amazing. I understand that you were not supposed to get involved in the personal side of things and keep it professional, but you saved me a lot of additional headaches." — Nope_Thats_Not_Me

"My fiance's father is almost certainly not his biological dad. His mom was just a genuinely terrible human being who didn't even try to hide the fact she was cheating. But his dad loved him from the second he was born. And when the mom decided four years later she just didn't want the kid anymore, she just gave him to his 'dad' and rode off. J's dad ended up getting married, and they tried for kids before finding out his sperm count was too low to ever father children. (They ended up adopting many years later.) He sat my fiance down when my fiance was 13 and told him the truth and that if J wanted to test they would but it was up to him. J cried and told him he just wanted him to be his dad and that was the end of that." — anonymous

"I know a girl who was pregnant with her boyfriend's best friend's baby. He found out there was a possibility [of this] about a week before she gave birth. I went up to see her once [the baby] was born, and [the baby] looked just like the friend. There was no question. I broke the news to her boyfriend, and he was absolutely devastated.

She started up a relationship with the friend immediately after having their child, and they're still together a decade later. But the kicker for me has always been that the boyfriend and best friend were next-door neighbors.

She moved into his house after coming home from the hospital. So her ex-boyfriend and his family had to see them basically every day raising this child that they had believed to be his for the entire pregnancy. I can't even imagine." — maybebat

"I had a vasectomy. While chatting with the doctor, he told me about another patient. This guy had three kids and came in for the snip-snip because he and his wife decided they were done having children.

The doc found nothing to snip. This guy was born without the ability to have any children. The poor doctor had to explain to him what happened.

Imagine finding that out that way." — timmg

"I worked as a lab tech before I became a nurse. We had a set of twins in the NICU that were super early and the mom was still in the OR getting sewed up from the cesarean...

A few weeks later, my NICU nurse friend told me that the babies were now on a “no-info status” meaning security alert, can’t give anyone information about them, can’t refer to them by name, etc. She said there was a huge fight because the mom’s husband (a white guy) obviously noticed that the babies were half Black and that the mom had cheated on him and gotten pregnant. The real dad (a Black guy) came in and didn’t realize the mom was even married." — anonymous

"Had a college buddy whose fiancee was pregnant. They were the 'perfect couple,' both had just over a year with great careers starting out, and everything was butterflies and rainbows. Fast forward to the delivery room, they're in there, and out comes a very black baby. He's quite the pale redhead, and she's a blonde/blue eyes Texas girl. He made sure everyone was ok, waited for her parents to arrive, and left without saying a word. He moved all his stuff out of the house while she was in the hospital and cut off all communications with her, just walked out of their lives in the most stone-cold act I'd ever seen. They were together for nine years, and he just left cold turkey. She tried to contact him at his job a few times, but he quickly moved up the ladder and eventually got a job in another city. He told me once that he took solace in the fact that her family had already dropped about $10k in a wedding that never happened." — tacoscholar

"I used to work with a guy whose wife was pregnant. Near the time for delivery, everyone at our place of business had a big party with gifts, money, etc.

So the big day comes, her water breaks, and they get in the car to go to the hospital. She breaks the news on the way there it’s not his, the kid is another race, and if he could just drop her off at the hospital and then leave, that would be great.

He took a few days off work, found a new apartment, moved out, filed for divorce, etc. He called into work and told someone what happened, news spread pretty fast. All congratulations cards, etc., were cleaned up and thrown away. Everyone was very sensitive to his pain." — BlueGillMan

"I used to work in the newborn nursery at a hospital. We got the babies right from delivery, cleaned them up, footprinted them, checked vitals, etc. Dads usually came in with the newborns. This dad comes in with this baby. Dad is white, mom is white, baby is very obviously not white. The dad was very quiet standing next to this baby, watching us clean it up. He says quietly, 'I don't think this is my baby.' You could tell he was absolutely devastated. We advised him not to sign the birth certificate until he was sure." — rootberryfloat

"Happened to my fiancé's mom. His mom is a labor and delivery nurse. One time she had a patient whose parents were present during her stay at the hospital. The staff had a whiteboard with some general information on it about the patients — like blood type, time spent in the wing, and how far along... So this patient happened to be the only one in the wing at the time. Her father was walking back from the cafeteria at one point and noticed the board. He stopped one of the nurses and asked if the blood type for the patient on the board was correct (he knew his daughter was the only patient there). It was B+. The nurse confirmed it was correct.

Turns out he knew his and his wife's blood type. He was O+ and his wife was A-. This combination will never yield a B+ baby. He brings his wife out and just points at the board, and this look of shock washes over her." — ljb423

"A friend of mine got pregnant in high school. She claimed it was our local doctor’s son’s kid, so [the doctor] agreed to deliver his 'grandchild' for free. [After the] child [was] delivered, it was obviously half African American. Doctor’s son and girl were both white. I think [the doctor] still delivered it for free as he was relieved his 14-year-old son wasn’t a dad." — Dramaqueen_069

"Worked in the army hospital on Ft. Lewis. A woman came in for belly pain, and we found out and told her she was ten weeks pregnant. The husband at the bedside started laughing, grabbed his coat, and left the room explaining to us that he had been in Afghanistan until 3 weeks ago. He looked back at her and just said, 'Well, that’s that, Brittany.'" — Mjrfrankburns

"My best friend was dating a girl and knocked her up. They got engaged and planned to get married right after the baby was born. There were about 10 of us in the waiting room waiting for her to crank out the baby... After sitting there for about two hours, he walks out with a smirk on his face and says, 'Let's go.' We all thought something horrible had happened. Her friends ask how the baby is, and he said, 'Fine, but Black.' ... We literally moved him out of his apartment and into my spare bedroom in like an hour tops. Her parents didn't know who to be mad at." — Goyteamsix

"A good friend of mine was out of the country on an emergency with his work, and I ended up bringing his wife to the ER.

Baby came out... straight up Asian. I knew, the OB knew. I just walked out of the room then. All I could hear was her wailing, saying her marriage is over, and the nurses quickly picked up on why she was crying. I called him and told him the news. He explained to his work that a true emergency was at home so they chartered him a flight home, and he filed for divorce right then and there.

During the divorce, [he found out that] out of their three kids [together], [none of them were] my friends. It didn't just mess my friend up, it messed the kids up as well because they knew him as 'daddy.'" — anonymous

"My brother's friend was in the army and had a shotgun wedding with a woman he had been dating for a few months. She's white American, and he's white Hispanic. The baby came out Black. Until the results [of a paternity test] came in, she was adamant that the baby was his. She even went to the extent of claiming he was getting her depressed and suicidal and was a bad father because he wouldn't claim 'his' child... The paternity test revealed that was a lie." — lolalaughed

"Not in the hospital, but a friend and his GF were on again/off again, and she got pregnant. She swears it’s his. He wants a paternity test. He moves in with her and her mom. She has the baby and takes the test. The test is taking a while to come back, he and his family are over the moon with the baby and kinda forget about it. Mentions it to GFs mom one day, and she says, 'Oh yeah, she didn’t tell you? Came back awhile ago, totally your baby!' Awesome, all is well! A few months later, they’re moving out and he finds the test in a box, not his baby 😳

ETA ~ He left, tried to stay in the baby's life, but she wouldn’t let him." — LeafsChick

"My brother was doing his OB-GYN rotation. His story is that in the first birth he assisted, the woman had her husband leave the room. Seems odd these days, but he had the husband step out for the comfort of the patient. The baby is delivered, and the color was not even close. Lily-white parents and a very Black baby. She wants him to stay to talk to her husband who is about to come back, and he bails on the whole situation. She was playing the odds all the way to the end." — inkseep1

"I was doing epidurals in residency... When I get to the room, the wife is holding her eyes shut and doesn't want to see the baby. I look at the baby, and he's obviously Black.

Now the husband is paying attention, and he sees what I do.

He keeps repeating, "When dat baby gonna pink up?" Louder and louder.

The OB tries to diffuse things by reminding everyone that this moment is critical and suggests the baby should be taken to the resuscitation area in the NICU and that the father should step out while the ob repaired the laceration.

We called the social worker and security and I was called elsewhere, so I don't know what happened afterwards, so I can't imagine it was good." — drleeisinsurgery

"Oh boy, I'm the illegitimate baby in this one! So apparently my mom and "dad" were on a break, so she had a one-night-stand with a dude she JUST met at a party... Both my "brothers" are red-headed, light-eyed, and pale-skinned with freckles. I popped out of the womb with dark hair, dark skin, dark eyes, and no freckles. Even the nurses were like, "What a cute Native American baby!" BUT during the divorce (when he had known the truth for a few years) he fought for me, along with my brothers, and eventually got custody of all of us. He planned on never telling me but eventually my mom's loud-mouthed sister decided to let me know during an argument to be petty. That was probably the first time I really saw my Dad cry. He's had periods of not being the best dad, but overall I ended up getting all my most defining traits from him." — RikaBaF27

"Young couple, I think she was maybe 18 and he was 17. The poor lad was terrified and had worked all hours god sent to make sure everything was ready for his new daughter. His parents, whilst heartbroken, had let his girlfriend move in and had even let them decorate the spare room for the baby. Turns out that when the baby was born she was mixed race. He was absolutely devastated." — 25491494

"There was a girl who was two years older than us who was a bit... promiscuous. My friend had sex with her at one point, and eight months later she turns up at his doorstep claiming it's his. My poor friend helped raise this kid for EIGHT MONTHS before finally getting a paternity test. It turned up that it wasn't his. This poor young [baby] has no idea who her real father is, and while the girl I went to high school with has found someone and they seem to be getting by, I can't help but think that she [initially] chose my friend because she thought he was the best shot of someone actually raising the kid." — BorinUltimatum

"When I was in the Navy I had an on again off again relationship with a girl back home. On my last deployment my girlfriend told me via email that she was knocked up; I accepted it, emailed my parents, told the military all that jazz. I ended up getting discharged so I went back home and took care of "my" pregnant girlfriend. She had the baby and I thought I was the father for five months. While she was on vacation with a "girlfriend". While she was gone I got an email from her boyfriend telling me that they had been together for the last four months and also for the week in Myrtle Beach I was bankrolling. After that I got the paternity test found out it wasn't mine and told her I was done and wanted no contact. Shitty part is my parents still babysit and treat the kid like their grandkid, so she's at a lot of family functions and such. Also the guy wasn't even the father." — InitialCRX

I had a fiance, we were supposed to be getting married. Then she went on a holiday by herself because "She just needed to get away".

She came back pregnant..... to an unemployed heroin user. I had a job and an apartment. She told me "You've never done anything to prove you really loved me ... now's your chance. Accept me and the baby."

No thanks. Last I heard of her she's an unmarried mother of two.

I knew that my father wasn't actually my biological father before he did. My mom thought I should know first, and she had planned to tell him shortly after me, but due to a work trip he went on, I knew for about a week before he did. Mom told me that she had a one-night stand with a dude while she was dating my dad. He thought the baby was his, so she went with it. The problem was, she didn't tell me he didn't know, so I asked him how he was holding up on a phone call. It was pretty hard to explain it to him myself, I mean, I couldn't just give him a cliffhanger like that for such a huge announcement like that. Later that week, my neighbor accidentally set himself on fire. Mom and dad mutually decided to divorce since she basically cheated on him. It's not really different between him and I, I still love him like my real dad. — Mrwillykb

Back in college, I was seeing a girl for a while. Kinda serious, more so for her than me apparently. She winds up pregnant. I was young, didn't really know what to do, but knew if it was mine, I would do the right thing and be the father.

Major caveat - I have a physical condition that makes it highly unlikely that I can actually get anyone knocked up, and she knew this.

Anyway, she swears up & down through the whole pregnancy that it could only be mine, so I went along with it. I was out of town the weekend kiddo was born. She apparently tried to reach me, but this was long before cell phones, and I had gone home to a different city with a college friend to party.

Kiddo was born, I went to see them a few times over the next few weeks, and then shortly after that get called by my folks that she had stopped by their house and introduced it to them as their new grandson, etc. They were ecstatic and happy for me and all the fun stuff they anticipated about being new grandparents.

I had to basically put the brakes on real hard at that point and tell them I was pretty sure that it was not my kid. I pretty much knew after I saw it. One look at it and there was just no connection at all. It was a baby, but I saw nothing there I recognized as "mine" in any way shape or form.

Due to the fact that she was already on the dole, the state mandated a paternity test. I figured I just might as well get it over with and showed up for the appointment when they told me to.

Once the results came back, there was a less than 1% chance it was mine. I turned around, never looked back. —starfire66

Seven years ago my cousin married a lovely girl, she got pregnant and they bought a house, fully committed to preparing it for their kid. She died due to complications during childbirth, the kid (Amy) survived. My cousin spent the next years of his life doing everything possible to be able to provide for his daughter while still being a father, he used to work evening/night shifts and then take a few naps across the day.

Two years ago it became apparently that while Amy shared features from her mother, she didn't share features from my cousin. He had a paternity test done, negative. He hasn't told her and we have no idea who the real father might be but those who have been told (me, his sister, my mother) have agreed that it doesn't matter.

We're still actively looking into it, just in case a potential medical issue or something. I don't expect that she'll be told until she is either old enough to understand or old enough to notice the difference. I've been the "investigator" and I gotta be honest, I'm really starting to dislike Amy's mother. —Anonymous

This happened to a really good friend of mine. He was a teenager at the time, getting ready to go to university for the first time. Broke up with his ex, who came to him a few weeks later and told him she was pregnant and that it was his. He immediately accepted it and dropped out of university before he even started it. Got a full-time job, took care of her all through her pregnancy, and got everything they needed for when the baby arrived. He was even in the delivery room when the baby was born. Upon the birth, his ex waivered and asked for a paternity test. All this time, the kid wasn't even his. He stuck around for about a month before he realized that this wasn't his burden to bear and re-enrolled in university. He just picked up where he left off and basically got on with life. —sillybanana2012

How do people think they can get away with lies as big as these? Well, the popular saying would have us believe that a little white lie never hurt anybody... But that's not always true, is it? And when it comes to telling fibs to kids, some parents are prepared to really stretch the definition of “little." Anything if it means they can get five minutes’ peace, right?

“My friend tells her kids that her engine won’t start until her car hears their seatbelts go click, and now I’m curious what other cute lies parents tell.” — Mommy Owl / @Lhlodder on Twitter.

“Oh ha. I told mine that I couldn’t even get the key in the ignition until they were belted.” — Alyssa Walker / @lysmank on Twitter.

“I tell my kids the ice cream truck only plays music when they’re out of ice cream and they’re letting us know they are leaving the neighborhood to get more.” — Ben / @ItsBenNotDan81 on Twitter.

“The ice cream truck only plays music when it is out of ice cream.” — Lisa Marie Zatezalo / @LZatezalo on Twitter.

“That if we made [a] loud noise, whatever was baking in the oven would fall. My daughter actually fact-checked me on it.” — Just Jakk / @inliterarylove on Twitter.

“So embarrassing, but my mom used to tell me this, and I believed it for years.” — 14Estee / @estherachka on Twitter.

“They don’t make the kind of batteries that go in that toy anymore.” — Laura Hughes / @LauraLeigh85 on Twitter.

“The toy is tired and went to sleep.” — Thayne Griffin / @thayne_griffin on Twitter.

“I’ve convinced my son that all toys come with their own unique batteries and when those batteries die, that toy dies with them.” — The Dad / @thedad on Twitter.

“If my son wants to watch one of his annoying shows that I’m not in the mood to tolerate, I tell him that the main character is taking a nap. Works for now (he’s 4)!” — Anna / @realllyanna on Twitter.

“A friend once told her daughter they couldn’t watch Frozen for the zillionth time because Anna and Elsa were on vacation...” — Joanna / @castlesburning on Twitter.

“I used one from my own parental handbook, that the alarm motion sensors are Santa cams and have a direct feed to the North Pole. 👿” — Kimberly S. Belle / @KimberlySBelle on Twitter.

“Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny will skip our house if you’re not asleep.” — Shutterbug Crafts / @ShutterbugCrfts on Twitter.

“When I was little I once asked my dad how long he was supposed to warm up the car. He pointed at the brake light and told me when that light turns off it’s time to start driving.” — grantdude / @grantdude on Twitter.

“I told my kids I had cameras in their rooms and the hallway, so I would see if they were out of bed after lights out or if they were fighting I’d see from downstairs who started it. They believed it for YEARS. I kinda feel bad about it.” — Jennifer Walkup / @JennWalkup on Twitter.

“My toddler thinks that you have to line your tummy with good food first so that you won’t get sick from the junk food.” — THAT Toddler Mom / @that_toddler on Twitter.

“My kids wouldn’t eat Brussel sprouts. However, they cleared the plates of baby cabbages 👍👍” — Gavin Heath / @geath81 on Twitter.

“My son had only taken a small bite of his egg roll. After it had gone untouched for 10 min, I tried to sneak a bite and was caught. Tantrum ensued. I told him I loved him so much that I didn’t want him to have a bad eggroll so I tried it to make sure. He wasn’t buyin’ it.” — TwinzerDad / @TwinzerDad on Twitter.

“Dad Tax. To prepare them for adult responsibility they have to give a Dad Tax every time they get chocolate... normally a chunk or two...” — Clumbersome / @Offside_referee on Twitter.

“Galaxy chocolate is actually made only for mommies. 😊 Unfortunately, they don’t believe this anymore 🤷‍♀️” — Anita Bellas / @bellas_anita on Twitter.

“Kids think the DVD player in the van only works when the GPS says we are an hour away from home.” — Alicia / @aliciamcg1 on Twitter.

“Also told the kids that the TV in the minivan only worked if there were suitcases in the car (on trips around town I wanted them observing their world!)” — Kim Kreis / @kimberlykreis on Twitter.

“I tell my daughter her ears turn red when she lies. So now she feels the need to explain to me just when she’s hot and they turn red.” — Lauren Slaughter / @laurenslaught on Twitter.

“That I can turn my ears off.” — OyVeyLady / @OyVeyLady on Twitter.

“That there’s a fat man who travels around the world (in a single night) on a flying sleigh powered by reindeer, delivering gifts to everyone.” — BR / @BReimer32 on Twitter.

“Ever hear of Santa?” — cloudy with a chance of anvils / @bishoptoqueen4 on Twitter.

“My mom used to insist that all cakes had to be completely cold (i.e.: you can’t eat them until the next day) or they would give you a terrible stomach ache. I only realized a few years ago that this was nonsense when I saw recipes for melting middle chocolate cakes, etc. I’m 40!” — Nic Fry / @NicolaFry1980 on Twitter.

“Told my toddler that if you use regular home scissors to cut your hair that your hair will fall out (how do you think Pop-Pop got bald??) Only salons have the special scissors for haircuts. Don’t have to keep scissors under lock, and she puts up her hair during arts & crafts.” — Stacy Holton / @Staccccy on Twitter.

“When mine were smaller (they are 12 and 10 now), I told them that I wasn’t allowed to walk through a parking lot until someone held my hand. So they would always hold my hands. Must have blown their minds when I would go to the store alone.” — Mariah / @irish_mariah on Twitter.

“On car trips, my parents used to tell my younger brother there was a shortcut home they could only take if he went to sleep.” Steven Mitchel Smith / @revredsoxfan on Twitter.

“Parents have secret shortcuts to drive anywhere almost instantly, but kids have to be asleep so we can use them.” — Allen Stone / @_AllenStone on Twitter.

“When my children were little and I wanted them to tell me the truth, I would tell them that if they were fibbing to me there would be a little green man sat on their shoulder but only I could see it. If they glanced to their shoulders then boom, I knew 😉” — Karen Freeth / @FreethKaren on Twitter.

“I also told them that Peter Piper Pizza is only open for birthdays... My mom threatened to reveal that falsehood until I explained that if she did SHE would be taking the kids there... She stayed mum.” — Andrea Orto / @AOrto on Twitter.

“My kids think the Tooth Fairy is allergic to dust and she can’t come unless their rooms are super clean.” — Mindy Mejia / @MejiaWrites on Twitter.

“Ha! That’s awesome.” — The Pypers Kitchen / @PypersKitchen replying on Twitter.

“Yessssss.” — Vlm5280 / @vlm5280 replying on Twitter.

“I told my kids that the hazard light button is the eject button and that we can test if their seat belts are on by pushing it at any point... Not sure if that’s ‘cute,’ but it’s been super effective.” — Jennifer Radcliffe / @jenradcliffe on Twitter.

“Backyard family get-together, and two dogs starting going at it on the other side of the fence. A toddler asked what they were doing, everyone froze, and a cousin gallantly said, ‘The dog on the bottom’s sick, and the other dog is pushing it to the hospital.’” — Dennis Kettering / @SuperYoshi2000 on Twitter.

“When my 7YO claims she brushed her snaggle-teeth, I tell her I’m going to ‘check the cameras’ to make sure. She bolts back to the bathroom...every.single.time.” — deeladoll3 / @deeladoll3 on Twitter.

“The Tooth Fairy does quality control. The better you take care of the tooth while it’s in your mouth the more $$$ she leaves.” — SheShe / @SheilaCarson79 on Twitter

“I just wanted five minutes to drink my coffee so I sent my kid in the other room to look for a toy that’s in my pocket. Follow me for more parenting hacks.” — Not the Nanny / @not_thenanny on Twitter.

“Me: I try really hard to not lie to my kids.

Also me: We can’t go to Disney world [because] it’s locked.

She’s still like let’s drive there 😂 we can sneak in.

Now she’s telling other kids so my lies are spreading! Muahahahaha.”

— Professional Worrier / @pro_worrier_ on Twitter.

“Yesterday I convinced my 6-year-old son I could see his memories by looking into his ear directly at [his] brain.

He was amazed talking about: “What else do you see mama?!” I told him things we were both there for.

Parenting is fun.” — Bunmi Laditan / @HonestToddler on Twitter.

“I’m the worst... I told my kids that the beggars at the red light [are] collecting crying children from the car... If they cry, I give money to them to come closer... If they’re good, I shake my head...” — DianeD / @DianaDobsa1 on Twitter.

“I’ve convinced my kids that they won’t like Oreos because they’re too spicy, and that is why I should get some kind of parenting award.” — Simon Holland / @simoncholland on Twitter.

“Hey, that’s our trick! The world is filled with spicy food!” — Cinco de Mami / @CincoDMami on Twitter.

“Convinced my toddler there’s a game called “Put Daddy to Bed” where she pretends to put me to bed and I sleep. That’s probably my proudest accomplishment as a parent.” — mark / @TheCatWhisprer on Twitter.

“My husband’s take on that is “Daddy Mountain” where Dad sleeps under a pile of blankets and pillows and the kids have to [be] careful not to wake him up.” — Sarah Cooke / @SAHoganCooke on Twitter.

“Toddler: Daddy, I want toast.

Me: Okay, buddy. Here’s some toast.

Toddler: I don’t like butter on my toast.

Me: (flips toast over to the dry side and hands it back) There ya go.

Toddler: Thanks, Daddy!

Toddlers are dumb. Take advantage of it while you can.

#Dadlife”

— TwinzerDad / @TwinzerDad on Twitter.

“I got tired of waiting for the toaster, so I convinced my kids to eat something called “cold toast.” It’s now their favorite breakfast food. I’ve peaked as a parent.” — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn / @XplodingUnicorn on Twitter.

“My toddler discovered cold toast on her own. It’s awesome.” — jobetta / @jobetta on Twitter.

“When I was little, my mom told me if I didn’t finish my dinner my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain. A few nights later, I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled, and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain.” — DragonStangFlyer122 on Reddit.

“Around the time Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti, and he told us that he could press a button and go “to infinity and beyond” to jump over other cars. He’d have us close our eyes and press the button, and he’d speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. As a kid, I was dumbfounded and thought he was magic.” — nopenonotatall on Reddit.

“That my siblings and I had [had] a sister named Alice. Apparently, she wouldn’t stop talking in the car so they dropped her off on the side of the road... Never spoke on road trips ever again.” — jaykayhicks on Reddit.

“My dad told me exactly the same thing... I never screamed in the car again.” — AnoniemGebruiker on Reddit.

“My birthday is [July 11]. The gas station 7/11 gives away free slushies on 7/11. At 7, 8, & 9 years old my parents just told me that the 7/11 wanted to celebrate my birthday by giving me free slushies, and I did not question it. I thought the gas station just really liked me.” — anypebble on Reddit.

“When I was younger, I learned that mushrooms were a fungus and refused to eat them. My dad [then] made me some soup with mushrooms in it, and I threw a fit about eating it. So he inspected the bowl and told me they were whale toes. Apparently, I was old enough to know that mushrooms were a fungus but not old enough to know that whales didn’t have feet.” — SelfBoundBeauty on Reddit.

“My 5-year-old hasn’t said a word in the car after I convinced him that the volume control on our stereo ejects his car seat.” — Brian Hope / @Brianhopecomedy on Twitter.

“When is your book on parenting coming out? That is pure genius.” — Tso Hai / @Burning_all_day replying on Twitter.

“Daddy cannot hear when it is dark. Call mommy if you wake up at night. Actually worked till my wife found out.” — Lee Cooper / @Leecooper74 on Twitter.

“I was that child, and I believed you, Dad.”— Erin Cooper / @_erincooper14 replying on Twitter.

“Sorry, Erin. I cannot believe I got away with it for at least two years.” — Lee Cooper / @Leecooper74 on Twitter.

“I convinced my kids that daylight savings [time] means we go to bed early so we can save some daylight for the rest of the world. Sharing is caring y’all.” Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ / @maryfairybobrry on Twitter.

“If you want to up the ante, my neighbor used to tell his kids Santa needed all that extra light to deliver presents.” — just nancy / @justmenancyg replying on Twitter.